Saturday, June 02, 2007

Rainy days are here



I welcomed June 1 with my hyperactive tear glands.

Around lunch time I left the house and it was raining bad here. But I was perky - I'm going out after a week of staying home because of allergic conjunctivitis.

But hours later, that perkiness was gone. I was walking to the train station all gloomy. Arms crossed to my chest. Walking slowly with a heavy bag of magazines weighing down my right shoulder and my other bag all messed up inside, on to my left. My heels are killing me. I'm teary-eyed.

I had my own MTV inside MRT. Standing, holding to a post, leaning my head on it, my tears are just fast that they caught the attention of a boy toddler who whispered loud enough to his sister, "`yung ale umiiyak."

On my way to the university, the tears kept on coming. My hankies' all soggy. I can't really cry since there are passengers who some I caught through my peripheral were glancing at me. My stifled sobs were even noticed by the guy to my right - even with his iPod/MP3 player on at that!

Walking to the college, the tears were also running - faster this time. I had to wipe and wipe them before I went to the faculty room to meet my prof - good thing he wasn't there so I just left my stuff to the ever reliable department personnel.

When I went down to the ladies' room, I cried at once, and halted it right away. Again, I'm in a public place - kolehiyalas come in and out of that room. And I'll be meeting a friend, who earlier asked if i would be at the university. I was not sure to meet him but after the tear glands got activated, I knew I somewhat had to let this gloominess out.

"Isipin mo na lang, pagkatapos ng ulan, sisikat ang araw." That's what my friend said after I told him what happened. I heard that line somewhere, and he said it in his own, advising, corny, soothing way that I laughed in between crying. This time, I had an audience for my crying. And occasional audiences too - the secretary from the department whom my friend greeted, another man from the same department who recognized my friend, the stray black, and orange-stripped cats aimless on the college ground. Buti pa ang mga pusa, palakad-lakad lang, maghahanap ng pagkain, didilaan ang sarili, ayos na sila, naisip ko kanina....

Rainy season is in. Officially, according to the weather bureau, as quoted in a late night news the other night. That's why I'm all rainy now too.

Sinasabayan ko ang ulan, ang malakas na buhos niya kanina, at sasabayan ko pa sa mga darating na araw, o mga buwan....

Sure my tear glands will still be active in the coming days.

I knew the rainy days are coming - I brewed the storm myself. But I didn't show any sign, or sent out wrong signs, that weather officials don't know now how to calculate me. I'm a quiet storm, and now I'm raining hard to myself, causing flood around me....And I don't know when will I end and cast myself to the Pacific, or will show any clear signs so the storm can be calculated quite clearly....

Now, I feel like a storm within a storm (if there's such a thing - PAGASA, please?)

Pero, sana, sumikat din agad ang araw sa akin....

Kung hindi man agad, sana tumila saglit ang ulan, at hayaan akong, kahit sandali, na damahin ang maginhawa niyang lamig.
Enough to make a chilly, cozy, quiet afternoon, perfect for unwinding - or for thorough thinking....

Sorry, cryptic here.... And I'm quite happy I'm able to articulate this - with my state considered....

And now playing, Rainy Days and Mondays

*Image from http://farm1.static.flickr.com/72/194444677_97d3d5cecf_m.jpg
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