Tuesday, December 25, 2007

It's supposed to be merry...

...but I'm being like Grinch here due to a a couple of reasons (I'd like to think I'm still cute though) - clear though I'm being bitten by holiday blues - that bad I'm blogging a bit about what I'm feeling here. Sorry but I just have to let this out.

Christmas greetings are pouring in via SMS, but I haven't replied to any of them - I didn't load enough credit also, but bottom line, I'm not happy now like my well-wishers are....

Yes, supposed to be a very Merry Christmas for me, but I'm now in a middle of confused thoughts, thoughts that need to be cleared....

I'm not a saint, but I'm always true to what I feel and I always care for what I have, especially if it's achieving a very prized and treasured aim. But to be thought of something else, that I can't accept, but because of some rational thinking and deeper understanding, I now see myself to be more patient of things, especially about things that truly matter and are shaping my life at the moment.

But maybe my being human is to consider if I got angry, I got defensive, I got impatient, and I said things I'm now regretting I said them....

Hurting here. This is not what I thought for my Christmas 2007. But I should still try to make the occasion happy for all. And I'm always thankful to Jesus Christ, the reason why we have this celebration, and I know all I'm going through is just a test from Him, that I'm determined to pass this with flying colors.

Despite all the ranting here, I still believe I shouldn't lose the very best gift I have, and blessed to have that gift this year.

And to the One Up There, I'm truly thankful to have this gift you gave me. Let me know though when it is time to part from that gift, because selfish that I am feeling now, I know and feel I deserve that gift and that gift is solely for me to keep.

But exercising some rationality here, maybe though I should spend some time away from that gift to see if that gift deserves me or I am deserving of that gift? I don't really know....

Speaking of gift, and to take myself away from this wallowing, I will finish Harry Potter 7 - yes, the gift I have for myself, since I am probably the last Harry Potter fan who haven't read how the whole story end. (But I think HP7 has something to contribute with all that happened this Christmas....oh, well, it's just a book, not to be blamed from the happenings here....)

Merry Christmas to you all - and for those who know me well, and see what and who I am now, I'm thankful to have you all, my dear friends. I truly appreciate the things we are sharing all these years, and I will never forget how you have been gracious enough to see me and accept me entering this another stage in my life. In case something happens though, I trust I can count on you, my friends, for some sermon and comfort.

To my family, even if I'm now pursuing another phase in my life, trust though I'm thankful to have you, and will not forget I came from this family. What I am now - my successes and failures - you have seen them all and stood by me all these years, no matter how stubborn I am most of the time. I am truly grateful I have you as family, and will do my best to keep us all together, not maybe in the physical sense, but in thoughts and spirit at that.

And, to the One Up There, please guide me about my gift....and guide that gift as well....It's rare anyone gets a precious gift, I am blessed to have such, hope I get to keep that very special gift for more Christmases - and merrier Christmases at that....
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