Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Crying over roasted chicken; cleaning the bathroom this midnight

Earlier tonight, I slumped on our old sofa and found myself crying, and repeatedly asked the One Up There to make me stronger, stronger, stronger.

Then I went to prepare dinner - and put on serving plate the leftover adobo and those I bought on my way home - roasted chicken and an assortment of delicacies - I prepared dinner teary-eyed at that.

I sat on the table and slowly, slowly ate my dinner. Through little lumps of rice and of roasted chicken and adobo, tears fell down. They just fell down and I continued to eat still. Over the dessert of sweet sapin-sapin, ube, and cassava, I was still crying.

Washed the dinner plates and still low. Didn't help I thought of my mahal and that he's out there at sea to work. And I cried again.

Then I thought of the bathroom, and dosed it with cleaning solution and water and brushed everything there. The sudden activity was somewhat cathartic. I finished cleaning the bathroom about 20 minutes ago. Back's hurt a bit, but I'm a little better than earlier tonight.

I don't like myself when I'm crying because I feel so down - proves to be I'm weak. I've always been branded as determined and strong in character - it's so contrasting to those adjectives labeled to me when you get to see me quietly crying. But the lowly feeling hit me again - I'll not go into details since lowliness might hit me again. I deserve some rest now, and I just have this lowliness be out a little bit here.

Before I take my deserved sleep to freshen myself to tomorrow's tasks, I'll ask again to the One Up There, to make me stronger, stronger, stronger, and be more patient, and more understanding. I don't want to be so extreme again like what am I tonight - crying over roasted chicken and cleaning the bathroom this midnight....
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