Saturday, May 31, 2008

The universe conspires against you, against me

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
Paulo Coelho

But what if you think you exerted all effort in achieving what you set for your self and for your loved one/s, and instead of the universe conspiring to help you achieve your goal/s, it seems all the universe conspired against you?

But despite what you feel - that the universe is against you - there's this person or people who make you feel good, who comfort you, who tell you that what you're going through is just a test, to examine your strength, to extend your grace to the limitless possible, so you would be ready for far, greater challenges.

Yet, even the presence or the support of your loved one/s or people close to you, you still feel the universe is conspiring against you. And you rather wallow and spend a day cursing under your breath or while the night out getting drunk at that. Don't you think that would make you really look helpless, and prove further that the universe - or whatever force that is - is conspiring against you?

If you're the loved one of this person who feel the universe is against him/her, will you stop caring, encouraging, loving, understanding this person because he/she chose to wallow or curse or drink or be alone until he/she would be really in a miserable state?

If you're that loved one or close friend, will you now feel sad, troubled, confused - since despite your care, encouragement, love, understanding that person who feel the universe is conspiring against him/her chose to wallow, curse, drink, be alone - will you also feel that the universe is conspiring against you? That you're now feeling helpless and in a state of mess for not being able to get this person out of the unpleasant situation he/she is into now?

What will happen to the two of you then? You will both think and feel and be convinced the universe is against the both of you? Where is the truth, the hope, the light, from such inspiring message popularized by Coelho?

For now, all you have to do is wait until that person comes back from his/her hiatus, stop cursing, cease drinking, and find his/her way to rebound, and realize that perhaps, there is really no universe conspiring against him/her - what he/she is going through now is a result of his/her past actions that he/she chose to undertake.

As for you, the loved one or the close friend, don't start feeling that the universe is conspiring against you - if you think so, then there'll be two more miserable people in this world - this person dear to you who thinks the universe conspires against him/her - and you.

It maybe hard, but hang on, continue to care, encourage, love, and understand this person - and care, encourage, love, and understand yourself more as well. When he/she is ready to deal with whatever challenges come his/her way, you two can work hand in hand, care, encourage, love, and understand one another - strongly this time, after learning your lessons from such "the-universe-is-conspiring-against-us" experience or situation - and make the most out of your lives, together at that.

And with that, perhaps Paulo Coelho - among other optimists - would be right in saying: "When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."

For now, the loved one or the close friend, all you can do is wait....

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Love and trust, trust and love...

...or whichever comes first, depends on the situation I suppose....

After a not-so-pleasant night I had, I found myself finishing deadlines for my clients, and that didn't give me time to fume about what happened. While beating deadlines, I mentally went through what I call the simple acts of caring and understanding, that we can all demonstrate as a sign of commitment to our partner and our relationship as a whole. Here goes:

Communicate. Communicate, communicate, and communicate. Don't let any baseless thought scare you out of your wits without first asking your partner what's going on - if you sense there's something going on.

Ask. Inquire in a caring and understanding tone as possible, if you sense something concerns or bothers your partner, that somehow affects how he/she interacts with you.

Listen. Give your full attention to what he/she has to say, and let him/her finish before you dish out your two cents' worth.

Be rational. Meeting his/her emotions, as in most cases, result only in a more catastrophic situation. As much as possible, stay calm as you get to know the details of the situation at hand.

Suggest. As much as possible, don't impose, but offer things he/she or both of you can do to improve whatever that's bothering him/her.

Leave the past in the past. True, at times, we get to bring up our partner's past, or pasts, or any unpleasant or ugly situation that previously happened, while tackling a new problem, or a by-product of an old issue you dealt with. As much as possible, focus on the present, and deal with the current situation, as you can't reverse what had already happened, and bringing it up, amid a flurry of emotions, will only make matters worse.

Have a sense of humor. Still about you and your partner's past or pasts, it's all right to talk about the past, or pasts, but put it in a more light, and enlightening context for the both of you - this shows you already forgot about it, and if it gets to be mentioned again, you can now just make a joke and laugh about it.

Work as a team. Solving an issue together makes you two as a team, that you're partners, and that you're ready for any challenge - challenge that eventually will strengthen your relationship.

Be each other's strength. After all the exchange of words, and sleepless night or two or more due to unsettled matter that affect, and took over the two of you, take time to talk things out, and resolve an issue, and renew your commitment of love and trust to each other. After all, we only have our loved ones both in good and in bad times, so continue and strengthen your love and trust to each other, and trust and love toward the end.

Note that I often mentioned here "as much as possible..." because really, those mentioned sound simple, but it really takes an effort for us to be the best person we can be to our loved ones. And "mastering" those acts of caring and understanding takes overtime, so....But if we're all committed to love and trust, trust and love, then, I think, nothing is impossible.

(Rach, thanks for a night of chat.)