Saturday, May 01, 2010

LAST

Friday, April 30 was my last day from my job - a step I thought would define my career if only for some people and the circumstances they created made it not what I thought it should be ... the matter is too complicated to discuss now that it's better to leave it as it is - for now. Suffice to say I'm glad I'm done with it (and speaking on behalf of others, I think they feel the same).

I thought it was my last day early Friday morning - all I remember I was so shaken from the impact. I was crying incontrollably and was only mentioning one name and one name only. When I pacified, I couldn't find myself - where to go or where to pick myself up. Several asked me that they'd call the person I was mentioning, but I silently refused. Eventually I found my way going home. Now, I'm under medications and woke up after almost 24 hours.

I'm wishing that incident just got me instead. Much as I try to be whole, but all I'm thinking about is if I really did something wrong that's why I'm getting this very cold treatment. And being alone - from the MRT ride to going to bed - it's really unbearable this time considering the circumstances. My heart is fighting but my body is giving up on me. I don't know until when I can hold on ....

I still had to show up to work yesterday to wrap things up, even if my aching body, my hurting ego, my sanity running thin refused to do anything. I'm glad I did. I indeed have a good laugh. Although it was spoiled toward the end of the day when something inhumane happened again, something very unforgivable ....

I'm up to another challenge by next week. It is a blessing indeed. I should be really looking forward to it but I can't really focus now when something's bothering me. And tonight, it seems like I'd be waiting in vain again ....

I'm glad others have a better weekend than what I'm having now - enjoy it while it lasts.
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