Friday, June 28, 2013


I used to say that I thrive in beating the deadlines (being a former journalist). That adrenalin rush was my game and I am on top of it.

But the snail-paced career growth, the burdening financial obligations, the recurring issue concerning my previous relationship --- these are all catching up on me. And at times, I feel I can no longer manage things.

Just this month, I had repeating migraine episodes; upset stomach (anticipating a meeting last Wednesday was an example); very irregular period (like in May, there were only less than 10 days I was period-free); becoming reclusive (I mostly spending my lunch breaks working or just by myself with a book to keep me company); at times, turning down opportunities to go out with friends or invitations to date because I am simply too tired.

The more I worry about my worries, the more I am weighed down by them. I try not to think of them too much, but there were just days and nights I could no longer take them.

If there is any consolation, I am managing to stick to my health and wellness regime: jogging every weekends; trying to eat less in terms of portions (but still could not cut off my caffeine and sweets). Enriching myself through renewing my spirituality and finding inspiration in my love for reading and writing (through blogging) are keeping me sane for now. New friends from various parts of the world are also sending me encouraging words.

But these are not enough to cope with stress, most especially when I am becoming physically weary, as they say, the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Stress warning signs and symptoms. Those highlighted symptoms are what I am experiencing at times. Not good.

It is also not helpful that I blame myself for all these things happening to me now. While I acknowledge my fault, I am not the only one responsible for these things to happen but there is no one truly helping me at the moment.

While I am able to collect myself through my highs like a very good laugh shared with friends or praises for a job well done; but again when I dwell on my lows, I really, really, really feel I am at my lowest.

Thus, while I at times I am wallowing or I am physically in pain, and if I could still manage, I still wake up and go through my daily grind over and over. Acknowledging that there are more who are suffering than what I am going through is a consoling thought. Att times I falter, but I always bounce back, continue to re-frame my perspective to my advantage, and trust that all these shall pass.

Yes, I am stressed now. My worries are playing up on me and I maybe slow or the things I need to happen are simply not happening at the moment, but I am showing my worries and the root causes of them who is the boss. And in this game, I am going to be on top, hopefully, soonest.

Stressed is dessert spelled backwards. If all my worries are like a piece of cake, ha! They are demolished already, gone forever!

Image from

But dessert is a reward, and soonest, I will reap my reward.

Share your stress-busting moves, I love to hear and maybe try them!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013


I am happy when a barista spells my name right. Now, if I could always be easily happy that would be so much better. Photo by me, Descovrir

The thing about forgetting is: it is hard to forget.

I just came across this quote: it is hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

That is so true.

Although I think forgetting is like coffee: as a mix, it is OK. In a pack or sachet, everything you need for a cup is made for you: coffee, creamer, and sugar. It is a quick fix. It is instant gratification at an affordable price. Just add hot water and stir to your content until the mix dissolves.

But if you want "proper" coffee, then 3-in-1 or instant coffee is not for you. Perhaps you want your coffee brewed to perfection. Or you do not want creamer but rather skimmed milk or non-fat milk or soya. And you do not add sugar to your coffee; instead you use Splenda or if you use sugar, you only use brown or muscovado. If you have coffee and the add-ons you need, you just made yourself a fresh cup of coffee. And a very good cup gives you such soothing, energizing, calming high.

Leave your brew idle, the coffee gets bitter, to a point acidic. You do not want to waste the brew, so you reheat; even add more creamer or milk or sweetener. What remains though is the sickening taste of your stale, brewed coffee. The aftertaste is too much --- and leaves your stomach upset. The same goes for the instant coffee: leave your cup and it gets cold and not too inviting to drink anymore.

So as is forgetting. No matter you try to remember all the great things about someone and try to smile about the good, old times, these really amount to nothing. For all the pain that someone caused you overrules them. What is worse is that in your attempt to forget, you vividly remember all the things you did to try save the relationship. And you keep asking why the other person did not help you stir the relationship to what could be your perfection together.

And all that is left with you, all that remains with you is the acidic truth: the other person (as a friend blatantly put it) has no awareness of the pain he or she caused you. That the other person simply moved on, leaving you like a pot of brewed coffee, leaving you to stale.
Unless you empty yourself, and brew a fresh, new start.

Now if forgetting is as easy as brewing coffee. But it is not. Especially when the subject (or a related subject) you are trying hard to forget is still stirring you to hurt.  And what a timing, when the other person is celebrating, a date that you are trying so hard to erase from the old calendar of your life.

Let not that unwanted stir affect you more. Remember that you can brew your present to a lasting happiness you truly deserve. Maybe your very own barista can help you.

Remember: FORGET.

Go ahead, make a fresh brew.

Saturday, June 01, 2013


I am just glad May is over. I had a rough time concluding it.

I am too selfish to think though that it is only me who is having a hard time. There are many out there who need more support than I do.

Still I got supported: through prayers, advices from old and new friends, scolding even --- a smack I needed to wake me up from my self-wallowing.

I am not 100% all right now. But there is nowhere to go but up. And I can not just quit: my family needs me. The world has yet to see what I can become.

As I am having my "me" time this late afternoon (with coffee and doughnut at that, very healthy, ahmph), I was able to update my journal (too many pages to fill), I also finished a chapter in Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI's bestseller and acclaimed,  Jesus of Nazareth, a highly recommended book from my friend

Image from Wikipedia

A very touching and timely text from the chapter, "The Lord' Prayer" (discussing the sixth petition, "and lead us not into temptation") hit me hard and I shed tears (which I was quick to wipe since there were many patrons in the coffee/doughnut shop). And I quote:

"... I know that I need trials so that my nature can be purified. When you decided to send me these trials, when you give evil some room to maneuver, as you did with Job, then please remember that my strength goes only so far. Don't overestimate my capacity. Don't set too wide the boundaries within which I maybe tempted, and be close to me with your protecting hand when it becomes too much for me ...."

Indeed. Doubting Thomas that I am, but I must completely rest my worries to the Lord.

Doors have closed on me and I must stop knocking on them over and over.

I have the support I need. There are other doors waiting to be opened.

While I seek them, I know there will be more trials to face, but I will keep in my heart that I am being guided and as Saint Cyprian interpreted the sixth petition:

".... 'And lead us not into temptation,' we are expressing awareness 'that the enemy can do nothing against us unless God has allowed it beforehand, so that our fear, our devotion and our worship may be directed to God --- because the Evil One is not permitted to do anything unless he is given authorization ....' (De dominica oratione, 25; CSEL III, 25 p. 285f)."

I have so much to learn. And I would not be able to do so if I let trials prevail.

I am thankful I have a new month to have a fresh start.

Trials or not, I will remain because I am guided.

How are you coping these days?