I again stumbled --- about how this year is being a difficult one.
And I fell asleep worrying what the future would bring.
I am still in a precarious state --- and the situation will have a ripple effect on what I will not be able to provide.
I have always been a provider and a giver. Very rare I become a receiver.
The provider and giver role is very tiring, especially when you are at your rock bottom.
Every single time I am at my lowest, I always encounter this:
Matthew 6:25-34 (From the New American Standard Bible)
25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
However, I am not finding solace in these words.
And again, I do not understand why this is happening to me.
Perhaps, tomorrow, I might have a better disposition ....