Thursday, May 13, 2010


Yes, I can't hide it anymore - I'm depressed, bored, to a point I'm occasionally a ruthless bitch and always hot-headed. Probably the meds I'm taking are also contributing for the gloom and doom I'm feeling now. Not to mention my allergy hit me again. Every week and I'm sick.

Earlier this afternoon, and blame the really hot summer days we're having, I went to the salon for a hair cut. Normally I would say trim slightly and keep it layered to achieve a medium-length hair. But no, I said to the stylist, cut my hair the shortest possible, so with his pairs of scissors and combs, he decided what to do with my hair.

And off he cut it, until I noticed the thin, lengthy part that would be my hair style now. I had this before, when my hair was so long and most of it was chopped to a bob that I looked like an anime character with a long, thin, tail. This time, I think it's OK, except, I should said what I want - that is, my normal and safe layered hair style - than let the stylist decide for me. So, I'll shoulder the consequences of my action for the coming months.

Women said to cut their hair when they're feeling low. I don't believe in this crap but hell I think I did it. I was thinking of something else to do, like get hit by a truck so my family could claim my insurance ASAP. But I'm still a coward to do such a drastic thing like that. Well, who knows, one of these days, I'd just end up dead.

Not so being brag about it, many like my hair for it's straight, black, and most of the time, it looks great. And except for one time that our house help had this permed when I was 5 or 6, and my mother cut the permed, curly part, I never had my hair chemically treated - but my hair was at my mercy today. My hair was burdened with all the pangs and pains and frustrations and emotions ruling me for a month now. Not only my hair, but my physical and well-being is compromised now. But my hair, oh my hair took all the beating now.

Anyhow, I did it, I let someone decide how I would look like now and in the coming months. What happened this afternoon at the salon was only a reflection of how my life has been for a month now - that I'm not well because I'm not being treated well by someone I look forward to treat me well, to treat me right. That someone's absence is ruling my existence that I feel so contemplative if it's still worthy for me to exist or not. That when you entrust someone with your hair, or with your life for that matter, be prepared that either that someone would give you the most flattering hair cut you deserve or that someone could just make a mess out of your life. Either or both, you only got yourself to blame.

And I blame myself for what my hair looks like now. And I blame myself for the way I'm living my life now. If only shampoo and conditioner could make my life pretty now ....
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