I am too selfish to think though that it is only me who is having a hard time. There are many out there who need more support than I do.
Still I got supported: through prayers, advices from old and new friends, scolding even --- a smack I needed to wake me up from my self-wallowing.
I am not 100% all right now. But there is nowhere to go but up. And I can not just quit: my family needs me. The world has yet to see what I can become.
As I am having my "me" time this late afternoon (with coffee and doughnut at that, very healthy, ahmph), I was able to update my journal (too many pages to fill), I also finished a chapter in Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI's bestseller and acclaimed, Jesus of Nazareth, a highly recommended book from my friend.
|Image from Wikipedia|
A very touching and timely text from the chapter, "The Lord' Prayer" (discussing the sixth petition, "and lead us not into temptation") hit me hard and I shed tears (which I was quick to wipe since there were many patrons in the coffee/doughnut shop). And I quote:
"... I know that I need trials so that my nature can be purified. When you decided to send me these trials, when you give evil some room to maneuver, as you did with Job, then please remember that my strength goes only so far. Don't overestimate my capacity. Don't set too wide the boundaries within which I maybe tempted, and be close to me with your protecting hand when it becomes too much for me ...."
Indeed. Doubting Thomas that I am, but I must completely rest my worries to the Lord.
Doors have closed on me and I must stop knocking on them over and over.
I have the support I need. There are other doors waiting to be opened.
While I seek them, I know there will be more trials to face, but I will keep in my heart that I am being guided and as Saint Cyprian interpreted the sixth petition:
".... 'And lead us not into temptation,' we are expressing awareness 'that the enemy can do nothing against us unless God has allowed it beforehand, so that our fear, our devotion and our worship may be directed to God --- because the Evil One is not permitted to do anything unless he is given authorization ....' (De dominica oratione, 25; CSEL III, 25 p. 285f)."
I have so much to learn. And I would not be able to do so if I let trials prevail.
I am thankful I have a new month to have a fresh start.
Trials or not, I will remain because I am guided.
How are you coping these days?