Saturday, November 17, 2007

Graduate school blues

You Should Go to Grad School

Grad school definitely isn't for everyone, but it looks like it's for you.
You have a pretty good idea of what you want to study - and how it will further your career.
So go ahead and go for it! You're ready to be a PhD.

Yesterday was supposedly the last day of enrollment (but the university announced later that it is extending enlistment up to Wednesday, November 21), I crammed to enlist (although I already did one procedure - to enlist online). But I got this letter (attached with the list of courses I took and the grades I earned) that I now need to apply for extension of my program (five years is the maximum you're allowed to complete the program, and I'm already beyond that period). Bugger.

I knew months before I had to ask for extension - but I forgot.

So, I talked to the department chair and asked for her approval, and she did approve, then haphazardly wrote to the dean, and submitted the forms and letter to the student records' keeper (who despite all the annoying, inquiring students like me - she remains one of the most patient personnel in the college).

She asked me to type my letter though (see, I just scrawled it), so I did - first in the college library, good thing this staff there allowed me to use the computer, but wasn't able to print since the university Internet system shut down. So I had to run to one of those rental shops within the campus to type and print the letter, took a jeepney ride back to my college, and disturbed the records' keeper during her lunch break to accommodate my letter.

I rushed to Makati for an interview (work this time). After, I rushed back to the university to check the status of my request, and the records keeper said it's already with the dean. Then I clarified with my department whether I already need to take a penalty course this start of second semester, but no clear answer, so I had to check with the graduate department chairperson, who earlier also approved my request. She accompanied me back to the records keeper and yes, I have to take a penalty course now.

And that I learned the dean critiqued my letter and even commented, "is this how an MA student writes?" Good thing the graduate studies chairperson pulled out my letter and allowed me to use her computer to rewrite it (a more convincing letter at that) with a course plan - or what I intend, and must do during the extension year I'm asking. A short letter at that, and took me eons to write it. After, the graduate studies chairperson and I went back to the dean's office, with her my revised letter and course plan, she entered the dean's room, while I waited nervously and impatiently in the lounge area.

The dean's voice was loud at some point while talking to the graduate studies chairperson, but not that clear for me to overhear what she was saying. Jittery, I stepped out of the dean's office and got myself a monoblock chair and waited there for another 10 minutes or so. When the graduate studies chairperson finally stepped out, she chatted briefly with a colleague and when she saw me, she gave me two thumbs up, and told me to get the approved letter on Monday from the records keeper.

Whew. I thanked her profusely for the assistance she extended me. And as far as I remember, I was also able to thank the records keeper, the secretary in our department, the librarian staff, for all their help. It was nearing 7pm already, and I haven't had my lunch yet, so to kind of celebrate, I bought myself a burger meal on my way home.

I'm now working doubly, triply hard to accomplish everything I can accomplish while I'm still here - since I am up to another stage in my life - becoming a wife, settling in abroad, and building a family. My studies, no matter I love spending time in the university, is really taking a backseat due to my more pressing priorities, but as what the graduate studies chairperson told me as how the dean said it, it's not only me who has work to attend to, and that I'm not the only graduate student who is both working and studying - there's no excuse if you really are aiming for as important as a master's degree (some countries though allow you to proceed immediately to Ph.D.). Right.

And then I remembered this article of mine on how to survive graduate studies - right. So apt for me now:

How to survive graduate studies
From content sharing with and MoneySense

By Lynda C. Corpuz
Last updated 08:45am (Mla time) 11/12/2007

While working as the migrant desk project officer at the Jesuit-run John J. Carroll Institute on Church and Social Issues, and a first time Journalism instructor at his alma mater, Jeremaiah Opiniano, 31, an AB Journalism graduate from the University of Santo Tomas, took up MA Development Communication at the University of the Philippines-Open University in 1999. Learn how to be a master multitasker like Opiniano.

If you want to earn it – go for it. Jere says apart from growing professionally, nurturing his passion for non-profit work and communication studies prompted him to take up his master’s degree. Apart from required courses, he also took up three cognates from UP-Diliman to get a feel of residential studies. “The degree is research-based. The training was difficult. I even got a 2.00 (or an “average” grade) for one of my electives but that’s okay– I learned a lot. The whole process was really good,” he recalls.

Set your priorities. With a 9-to-6 job and a 3-unit teaching load, Jere had to be disciplined to breeze through his graduate studies. “What’s good in an open university is that it’s a perfect fit for a graduate student who also works,” he says. For him, graduate studies are also a responsibility, since you’ll handle it among other things, including relationships. “If you really want it, you will do everything to get it. It also depends on the person if he or she can handle this added responsibility of further studies,” he cautions.

Tap all available support. With a little savings, plus his parents’ support, Jere was able to finance his studies at the start. Eventually, he set aside part of his income for school. The P20,000 grant he got from the Philippine Social Science Council, apart from the logistical support he got from the International Institute on Rural Reconstruction (his research subject), mainly aided his research, which was tedious and costly during data-gathering. He also credits ICSI for letting employees pursue graduate studies.

Develop the habit of scholarship. During the application process, it’s always asked if you can really be a teacher or a researcher. “And you have to be willing to be trained like that – madali pa nga ang training dito, sa ibang bansa, mas pahirapan,” Jere points out. But there are also some students who don’t want to do theses since they are laborious and costly. “But for me, thesis is important because that’s the measure of what you learned.”

Aim for quality education. Seek one where you can learn the most, Jere says, whether you enroll in one of the top universities or other graduate or professional schools. If you think you’re not cut out for graduate studies or that you can’t finish the program because of burnout or other priorities, consider taking either certificate courses here or abroad. “There’s really a disparity between the number of enrollees versus those who graduate. If you realize you can’t do it, then leave. You can get professional advancement elsewhere,” Jere advises.

From the September-October 2007 issue of MoneySense, the country’s first and only personal finance magazine. Visit for more.

= = = = =
All right. More graduate school blues waiting for me - but I'm ready for them.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

"Ground zero"

As of this posting, there were already nine who died (the first four who were pronounced dead were severely injured and hardly recognizable), and 119 injured, including Korean and Chinese nationals. The youngest of those injured and rushed to the hospital was reported to be 50, while the youngest was one-year-old.

The explosion-which, as per initial post blast investigation-came from the lobby, shattered establishments within into near pieces and blasted its way up to the three floors of the mall, that also sent debris outside.

It was first said to be caused by a fuel tank explosion, attributed from a Chinese fastfood restaurant-which caught fire last year.

"It was a bomb"
But as hours went on, the country's police chief said, as per preliminary data gathering, "it was a bomb."

What supposedly an ordinarily busy Friday at 1:30pm, in Glorietta mall complex in the financial district of Makati, turned into a shocked sea of mall-goers, a chaotic site for reporters, photographers, TV and radio crew who all want to get the news, while authorities tightened security and cordoned off the area, plus medical teams attentive in providing aids, bomb-sniffing dogs rounding the area, not to mention those who linger in the area, like paparazzis nosing for what happened.

As per late night news, Glorietta 1, 3, and 4 will still be open today starting 10am, and as per footage shown earlier, life goes on in the area, with bars and restaurants still open for those who want a break from a busy week-and an "explosive" week at that.

Why call it "ground zero"
And local media were quick to call it ground zero, which use became popular with the September 11, 2001 bombing of the World Trade Center.

My brother, Linard, pointed out it should not be called like that, since the term was first used to describe the Hiroshima and Nagasaki atomic bombing - a bombing of such magnitude - though he does not discount the lives lost and hundreds injured in the Glorietta blast. Ah huh, point taken, bro.

Asking "ifs"
While seeing the first flash report on this, my mother asked me if Robin and I stayed at Glorietta? And I got cold in realizing that - I told her that's our meeting place, where I asked Robin most of the time (when he got to stay here for two weeks) to meet me after coming from some events at that or from our magazine's office or coming here from our place.

And I told my fiance, when we were talking then about the first time he was coming here for a visit, that Makati, specifically Ayala Center district - with the Glorietta mall complex, Greenbelt malls, The Landmark, SM Makati, plus 5-star hotels (where most dignitaries, foreign dignitaries stay), train station plus terminals leading to North and South areas of Mega Manila, and the business and financial hub of the city - and the country at that - is safe since it "is" heavily secured.

I got him convinced at that so he stayed in a hotel in that area (both for his two visits, and another hotel in that area also, after he came from Kota Kinabalu for a weekend of work, before he went back to Singapore), and while waiting for me and killing time, he frequented Glorietta mall complex-he even got into sections of the mall that I've never been to, I found out, as he lead me to those areas when we where searching for engagement ring.

Looks like Makati is not as safe as I told you, Robin.

Then more "what ifs" hit me:

I was there at Glorietta Thursday afternoon. I asked around children's clothing shops for contact details since we need to pullout clothes for our Wednesday shoot this coming week. And I was planning Friday morning to go back to Glorietta, as in really hang out there, or even watch a movie, which is exclusively shown at that mall. So what if I pushed through with that plan?

Robin and I met and stayed and searched for an engagement ring there at Glorietta mall. What if that explosion happened while he was waiting for me in one of those coffee shops while reading Iain Bank's latest book? Blessedly (and sorry to sound selfish of me), it did not happen when he was here, staying there in that area.

If that happened, or to any of his countrymen, sure his embassy will be upset, considering his country's former ambassador here was one of those who got trapped in that hotel (connecting to Glorietta) when that Oakwood mutiny happened.

And when I told Robin (who is now again in KK for work) via SMS earlier tonight about what happened, he said, "why would they (whoever responsible for this explosion) want to do that? And with you walking past (there) all the time, if I lost you, I don't know what I'd do!"

The US Embassy already issued a warning to its citizens not to frequent Glorietta for now. What maybe next is a travel advisory. And I'm kind of eerily anticipating for that from Robin's embassy here. If that happens, then he will not be able to visit for such a time the travel ban is up. Meaning, I just really have to take my turn to visit him - which I'm hoping soon.

Updates as of this posting
Aftershock events from that blast: It was reported the peso weakened following the Glorietta explosion; US and UK, two of the countries staunchest political and trade allies, expressed sympathies; malls in other city will have more heightened security; the police and army are on full alert, among other related news.

Investigation will be on for the next days-months or years. The explosion maybe is targeted to destabilize the present administration-which is shaky from the very beginning. Or maybe the administration plotted this to have an excuse to declare Martial Law (and there is still this contested Human Security Law). Whoever masterminded this, that should be known, and as what President Arroyo said, the government will leave "no stone unturned" regarding this explosion.

What more to say but let us be further safe-and vigilant.

More information on the Glorietta blast:
List of dead and injured (as of this posting)

A blogger's account of the blast-in pictures

More accounts of the blast, as compiled in Manuel Quezon III's blog

A timeline of "terror attacks"

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Yes, officially engaged when we got the ring October 3.

Story to follow tonight.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Finding that engagement ring

Your Dream Engagement Ring Has a Pear Diamond!

You're personal style is a mix of classic and contemporary, reseved and outgoing.
A pear diamond matches your charming personality - and is perfect to show off.
You've also got an elegant side, which is complemented a tear dropped shaped pear.
It's the perfect mix of Liz Taylor and Jessica Simposon - both wearers of this ring!

With nothing much to do on a rainy Saturday afternoon, I went to SM Fairview (which is less than 30 minutes from our place) to print stuff I'll be writing about, had my burger fix from Tropical Hut, and had donut and coffee after while reading the stuff I had printed.

After the burger though, I don't know what went with me but I found myself stepping in a jewelry shop and asked about their engagement rings.

Yes, Robin, I asked about engagement rings.

Two nights back, Robin told me again that he hopes to give me a diamond ring for our engagement (we've been talking about this even before he proposed, and asked me one time to look for the ring that I like). But I said to him that I don't really see any need for that, even arguing why it has to be diamond (and even I blamed De Beers for that stereotyping that it should be diamond ring to be given on an engagement).

I even added why is it only women who have to wear something that will signify they're about to be married while men have none? Partly my aversion to jewelry is the fact that I'm not big on any of them, and that I don't, or should I say, didn't, imagine myself will be wearing - on a daily basis at that - something that's precious. Anyway.

Patient as he is to me, Robin says that it has been tradition that a diamond ring is given to the fiancee, and why men don't have something like that is because men are not really into jewelry than women are. He just said that if I don't want diamond, I should let him know what's my preference and that we'll work on finding the "perfect" ring for me once he's here (he'll be here by tomorrow night, and will get to stay until October 4 or 5, as we initially discussed).

Going back to the trip to the jewelry shop, so I asked about the rings - I pointed to a heart-shaped, South African diamond (if I remember right, it was a karat's worth), mounted on a Philippine white gold loop (forgot how many karats though). Obviously, it is pricey, even if the saleslady told me it's 50% off already.

I asked for another ring for its price, but I got a bit distracted with the other salesladies who are glued over a couple. The man, who by looks I think is American, has bought something for "his" Filipina (the salesladies were hushing over her skimpy skirt and a tattooed lower back that's all peeping to us. You know what I mean but sorry to stereotype).

The saleslady attending to me had gone distracted already over them so I said thank you and left the shop. And I'm feeling guilty to look down on that Filipina and think of her as a hooker out to milk money from that foreigner or more rightly, I'm feeling about that for myself, since I'm fiancee to a non-Filipino, despite knowing my worth at that.

But Robin, who has been understanding since, said to me once [when we're discussing what others think of Filipinos getting married to foreigners] that he doesn't think I have to worry what other people think, since my demeanor shows who and what I really am, and he will not have me any other way. Good thing I remembered his words yesterday, and I felt better after.

Then I found myself in another jewelry shop. No foreigner-Filipina couple this time, but I got pissed off with salespersons of Gold Mine because I found them rude and non-accommodating, as they maybe sensed I'm not buying anything (what with my purple top, faded black jeans, and flat sandals outfit - a common ensemble for most mall goers who are not really shopping for anything). But still, I was inquiring and that if I found anything interesting from their shop, Robin and I might consider to get my engagement ring from them, so I feel my getting pissed off with them is justified.

For one, when I asked where among the vast assortment of rings are their engagement rings, I was not attended to immediately, and had to repeat my inquiry, and I guy chewing gum pointed to me a box said, "`yan ho." Is that how they should be dealing with customers, chewing gum at that?

Still confused, since there were rows of rings in that display box, I asked again where exactly, and a lady butted in and curtly replied, "`yung mga may diamond (I'm no good appraising jewelry, not knowing one precious stone from another, so I had to ask). I asked, what type of diamond and are they mounted on white gold or what. The chewing gum guy replied they are Russian diamond.

Then I asked how many karats, the lady again curtly replied "Russian diamond nga." Now the bitchy me couldn't hold back, so I fired, with such firmness but annoyed tone at that, "Narinig ko ho, Russian diamond ang mga `yan, ang tinatanong ko ilang karat?"

The chewing gum guy seemed to be jolted with my bitchiness so he pulled out the ring I first pointed at, and computed its price. Hearing the price, and not being fairly treated at that as an inquiring customer, definitely, we'll not get my engagement ring from them.

As I stepped out of that shop, I thought, maybe I would be well-attended to if I'm that Filipina who was with her foreigner boyfriend (like how the salesladies from the first shop I went into, they attended to the couple while talking about them at the same time).

Ah huh, I'm belittling myself again, and that Filipina I saw. Yes, there's no good at feeling little about yourself, and in a way, being discriminated by your fellow kababayans, while you're still in your own country at that. This nagging thought was just shrugged off when I got my Bavarian filled donut and coffee after I strolled the department store.

As for finding that engagement ring, I guess I'll forget about that for the meantime, or search for that when I'm with my fiance, Robin. Let's see.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

On to the next chapter

Plotting my calendar
Go get my master's degree. On October 9, I will be taking the dreaded comprehensive (it's now called candidacy) exams required for my master's degree (glad I'm able to seat in Media Theory and Media, Gender, and Sexuality classes to refresh myself with all those theories and issues - thanks, Ma'am Betsy).

Wish all of us exam takers good luck - on my end, I hope to pass this since I'm targeting to have my thesis proposal defense (and pass it) by second semester this academic year, and finish (and pass of course) my thesis not later than second semester next academic year, and have, also within that semester, my M.A. in Media Studies major in Journalism and get to wear a sablay (UP's graduation sash).

While reviewing, I'm also completing my papers for the Media, Gender, and Sexuality class I took up last school year (need my grade here to be able to take the candidacy exams).

Bring back the writer in me. Deadline for our November-December issue is on September 30 - hope I submit really on time now. I performed ill the past months, and definitely disappointed myself, as I didn't meet the expectations I set.

I'm still picking up myself, but I'm aiming for the better me now since I don't want to spend my birthday by November still beating myself to death for not meeting my deadlines.

Also, I hope to complete the papers I lack for that registered financial planning course I took from January to March this year. What a waste if I will not be able to find out if I can be that knowledgeable in personal finance. Will do this after the candidacy exams.

I still sometimes think though if I'm really for writing, but considering the opportunities I'm still getting in this field, I feel I'm set for this, it's just a matter of repackaging myself as a journalist that I need to pay attention to now.

Celebrate in Singapore - or Thailand. Either last week of October, first or second week of November (in time for my 27th birthday). This will be my firth birthday out of the country, and my first out of the country trip at that (just read though that about 60 people died when an air craft crashed at Phuket, Thailand)....

But before I can book my tickets, I have to get my passport first. Yes, in all these years (and I've been in media at that), I don't have a passport yet - too lazy to queue and get all those necessary papers. I learned from a travel agency I asked last night regarding their passport assistance service, that application and renewal are on hold on since we're converting to e-passport. Hope this will not take forever. After October 9, I will fully attend to this myself.

Spend Christmas in Australia. That's also in the pipeline - what will be an experience for me at that!

Why all these plans, especially these scheduled trips? Because I'm filling a new calendar in my life - that is, to spend more, quality time with Robin, my husband-to-be.

Becoming Mrs. Robin O.C. Lockwood
I will be wife - to a smart, lovable, handsome, gentleman, caring, admirable Australian ship captain at that.

Last Friday, a former officemate, April, woke me up too early just to get the latest scoop about my love life (as she got a peak from this blog). And she even mentioned it in her post. Here, bully, I will be Mrs. Lockwood.

After thorough discussion, Robin popped up that question last night. "You want to be a part of my life?" He asked. And I said, "yes." I said "yes" to the man I learned to love, learning to love more, and hope to spend the rest of my life with.

And just checked earlier, Robin even blogged about it. And to borrow (and to tweak a bit) Robin's line from his blog, "girls (and gays) eat your hearts out, he's mine!"

Before that Singapore or Thailand and Australia trips materialize, we have to seek my mother's blessings first (on my end, this is crucial - and I'm nervous). I hope, like Robin hopes, that she will agree about this.

I also asked Robin that we will be engaged at least a year, so we can decently prepare for our wedding date (dates actually, probably one in Australia for his family and friends, and here for mine).

So, the next time Robin and I go out, the search for the engagement ring will be on, so he says (ask him how it took him lots to convince me to eventually wear one, hahaha).

I'm excited. I'm nervous. But overall, I'm happy and blessed with this new chapter in my life. Robin and I are more looking forward now to be the best we can be in our respective fields, and more importantly, doing that as we start weaving our lives together.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Losing Ace

He was young.

He was a dedicated journalist, devoted to his craft that is sports writing.

His mother's grief was striking. His sisters' sobbing - one tightly clutched in her left arm the college graduation picture of his late brother - was an unbearable sight. Although composed, his father was also mourning his son's death.

He also left his best friends from those days where they were one of those all boys' group. They proved they were different though, that theirs a friendship that will last through time - they were dear buddies to him, as they showed up to yesterday where they stayed for their best friend, and sent him to his final rest.

He left more than a year-old son, who has no idea he lost his father, and a loving wife, whose grieving went from silent tears to impish cries that casted a gloomy cloud over yesterday's sunny, Sunday afternoon.

Christian Ace Pasco, tabloid sports writer, former sports editor of UST-The Varsitarian, and fellow AB Journalism classmate, died of asthma complications. He was 26.

The news of his demise was circulated in a flash. Text messages and a phone call from fellow UST-The Varsitarian alumni flooded Tuesday night. When stories the next days followed about Ace's wake, it was confirmed - that the small man, whose eyes crinkles to slits as he sniggers infectiously, was gone.

Those who know Ace - from UST AB Journalism, UST-The Varsitarian, from his tabloid work, fellow sportswriters - visited him at his wake. Stories - mostly fond memories about Ace - were poured over with crying and wailing.

I believe nothing ill was said against him. All have good words for him. Some, like I, were in denial about his death. When I got the news, memories of him flashed - the last time I got in touch with him was when I asked him for contact details of a sports celebrity we wished to interview. He was quick to reply to say he had none, and sent his regards as well. Over the holidays, he was one of those who sent greetings. That was the last.

Then, in a middle of a call from our college professor Tuesday night, I remembered how Ace thanked me for inviting him to join my graduation dinner at my cousin's house in Antipolo - he probably did not expect that I would be inviting him since we were not that best-of-buddies. Other images of him also flashed before me - those one-of-too-many press work nights we had at UST-The Varsitarian. We heard him catching his breath. Although tired from publication work plus the other tasks we had to fill for our classes, he would still close his pages, slept for a while, and most of the time, would leave for home to get ready for a morning class later. His dedication he definitely brought to his professional life, where he spent about two years pounding the sports' beat.

Some, like I, thought Ace was too young to die. But for those he loved most, they know he lived a full life - he was a good son, a loyal friend, a professional, a loving father and husband - he was all those in such short 26 years of his life. And he may no longer be here, but all the things he left will forever be cherished.

Truly, he's an Ace we're all glad to know.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Silence please

Due to allergic conjuctivitis last weekend, I wasn't able to join my friends for a reading and coffee session of the final Harry Potter book.

Prior to that, and just for curiosity's sake, I checked the links of various electronic copies of the book, read reviews (which came out in advance), and inquired about raves about this opus of our time.

Despite all, I-haven't-read-this-yet. I can't go incommunicado - like what other friends' did - and most likely millions of Harry Potter fans out there - just to read this (or the other half-read, and most unread, books I bought the past weeks). My HP7 which I got the next day after it's worldwide release is still neatly wrapped (my little brother is supposed to start this, but he's always dead tired from his contact center work).

I may cutely react to those spoilers bullying me for not reading this yet, but I will not give in to their bashes (like how my "mahal" bashed me by saying Harry Potter died an agonizing death - mahal!!!) I resolve to read this as a "reward" - after I take and pass my candidacy exams this September (and read too the rest of the untouched books I have here).

So, please - shh...

Or else, I'm gonna strangle you all!!!

Catch them or else ...

Just came from a photo shoot (and we have another tomorrow and in the next days to come), so, unwinding a bit here:

Yesterday had an interview, and planned to watch Ratatouille after, but decided against it since I had to wait for more than an hour for the next screening. I thought of strolling at the mall but my feet were hurting with my 3 1/2 heels.

So, since I wasn't able watch it, I just played Ratatouille games last night - kiddie stuff, but they're fun! Disney Pixar (Pixar specifically) is truly genius, crafting this another endearing product - I'm not sure though how will I react if I get to see a rat cooking my food.

Simpsons Movie is also showing - I didn't really follow this 20-year-old successful show, but this 2D cartoon is a good study (more when I post about my graduate studies these days). While 3D maybe raking in more profits, this satirical cartoon ala sitcom, to put loosely, is the best Fox has to offer (coming maybe from the network's critics, that is).

Why am I vaguely blogging about these flicks? To remind myself I "need" to see them (hopefully this week) before I go insane again with deadlines. Argh.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Don't know what to do now....

The above blogthing kind of describes what I'm now - although now I'm working hard to straighten things out, after my getting-tired-of-writing-episodes (which flooded most of the June 2007 entries).

And before my mind gets totally cluttered, I took a break and answered more blogthings.

Disclaimer - what follows may be true or not true about me (depending how this "invention" produce results for your reply to their every quiz) - and so with you if you try any of them (there are a lot). Just to unwind, so here goes:

Descovrir in a nutshell:

What Lynda Means

L is for Lively

Y is for Young

N is for Neat

D is for Dedicated

A is for Alert

Wow, so true, haha

Your Birthdate: November 12

You're a dynamic, charismatic person who's possibly headed for fame.
You tend to charm strangers easily. And you usually can get what you want from them.
Verbally talented, you tend to persuade people with your speaking and writing.
You are affectionate and loving, but it's hard for you to commit to any one relationship.

Your strength: Your charm

Your weakness: Your extreme manipulation tactics

Your power color: Indigo

Your power symbol: Four leaf clover

Your power month: December

Now, I'm reminded I'll be a year older about four months from now - sheesh

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.
Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.

You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.
You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.

A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.
You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.

In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.

At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.

With others, you tend to be polite and formal.

As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.

On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

Looks like I have a "nice" personality - ehem, ehem

You Are 32% Control Freak

You have achieved the perfect balance of control and letting go.
You tend to roll with whatever life brings, but you never get complacent.

Maybe trying to be in control most of the time - but not a control freak (but they're just the same, right? Anyway)

Your Worry Factor is 55%

While you're not a worrywart, you worry more than you should.
Maybe you don't have enough to keep your mind occupied at times...
Or perhaps you've trapped yourself into some bad thinking patterns.
Try to worry less and enjoy life more. There's no point thinking about things you can't change!

Yeah, right

You Are Somewhat Like Your Mom

Believe it or not, you and your mom are pretty darn similar.
It may not seem like it at times, but you and your mom have a lot of common ground.
Over time, you'll probably get closer ... especially if you emphasize the things you like about each other.

Oh? Sure my Mom will beg to disagree, hehe

You Are 83% Feminist

You are a total feminist. This doesn't mean you're a man hater (in fact, you may be a man).
You just think that men and women should be treated equally. It's a simple idea but somehow complicated for the world to put into action.

And I'm not even sure about my stand/s on Feminist theories/issues/causes as we discuss them in class (well, in the class where I'm a seat-in now)

You Are 65% Real

You know who you are, and you're pretty darn comfortable with yourself.
Like everyone, you struggle with the parts of yourself that aren't so great...
But you're good at accepting who you are and not dwelling on your faults.
As a result, you're confident, optimistic, and very real.

Yeah, I believe I'm real enough

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

Me? Compassionate? Ah...

"Whatever" stuff about Descovrir:

This creation adds visual appeal to any blog - mine included

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

If you don't get enough sleep, you are: Cranky and a big baby

It's hard to sleep next to you because: You are a light sleeper

Yeppers, in an hour or so, I'll sleep - well and sound, I hope

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you.
But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft.
You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily.
You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

Now, I want a Boston Creme donut (and Bavarian, Peanut Butter Frost - yum, yum)

Who Should Paint You: Pablo Picasso

Your an expressive soul who shows many emotions, with many subtleties
Only a master painter could represent your glorious contradictions

Wish Picasso's still around to do my portrait - sigh

My Lakbayan grade is C-!
How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out atLakbayan!
Created by Eugene Villar.

I bet most who honestly answer this will realize they're foreigners in their own country of 7,100+ islands

On Descovrir's career and studies:

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind.
You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life.
Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling.
And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

Right - wish this was around when I was contemplating to take up Journalism (which I did, by the way)

You Should Maybe Go to Grad School

Grad school may be the right choice for you, but you need to investigate further.
So put those studying skill to use, and pick a program that's perfect for you.
And make sure you're going for the right reasons - not just to avoid getting a job.

Now you're telling me (and candidacy exam is just two months away, sheesh)

You Are 58% Burned Out

You're fairly burned out, and it shows.
You probably have been feeling a little rundown and irritable lately.
If you can, drop a few of your minor responsibilities and focus on what's really important.
You have too much on your plate, and it's catching up with you.

Tsk, tsk, tsk....

Your Depression Level: 68%

You seem to have moderate depression.
Your symptoms are bad enough that they're effecting your everyday life.
You would benefit greatly from professional help.

I guess I need "help" regarding my career - and I'm seriously considering it...

Your Emoticon is Sad

You're feeling a tad depressed right now. It will likely pass soon, but for now, you need some major cheering up!

Well, I got happy this Saturday with my friends (who I haven't seen for a long time) - and seeing my friend's cute, little angel (another post)

Descovrir's take on date/romance/love (aww, I answered a lot here):

You Are More Mild Than Wild

You're confident, and you really aren't concerned with how "hot" you are.
Other people's ideas of what's sexy don't concern you. And this is exactly what makes you attractive.

Cool - I mean I'm "hot" to know, hehe

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them
You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky
You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter
It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

Hmm... OK...

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

Aww, I'm romantic, hehe

You Are A Realistic Romantic

It's easy for you to get swept away by romance...

But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective.

You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets

You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

I'm a Realistic Romantic? Ohh?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give and take equally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

Oh, I'm romantic, really, hehe

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.

You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

Looks like true of me, hehe

You Can Make 69% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.
Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!
As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

I believe I already have my "prize" (right, sweetie?)

You Would Do Most Things For Love

You are willing to go pretty far for love - but not far enough to compromise your core values.

Love is a priority for you, and you'll go further than most people to hold on to someone you love.

But killing for love? Or even taking a bullet? Probably out of the question.

No matter what, you love yourself the most!

Shocks - I think I'm in love (the thing that makes me fulfilled now - despite happenings on the other things in my life)

You Are 65% Passionate, 35% Compassionate

You are very passionate, especially when it comes to love.
In fact, it's sometimes difficult for you to tell between love and lust.
You jump in head first, and figure things out later... usually when it's all over!

Guess my sweetie can attest to this, haha

Your Love Life is Like Pretty Woman

"I want the fairy tale"

You believe that love is truly blind, unpredictable, and surprising. Two very different people can easily find true love.
At least, that is how it will happen when you marry a gorgeous billionaire someday ;-)

Your love style: Sensual and flirty

Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Surprisingly happy

Wow, I now feel like Julia Roberts, haha

Your Dream Engagement Ring Has a Pear Diamond!

You're personal style is a mix of classic and contemporary, reseved and outgoing.
A pear diamond matches your charming personality - and is perfect to show off.
You've also got an elegant side, which is complemented a tear dropped shaped pear.
It's the perfect mix of Liz Taylor and Jessica Simposon - both wearers of this ring!

No, I don't think I'll have this ring just to show off - talk about being robbed here...(and an engagement talk is not on at the moment :->)

There goes my blogthings - bow.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Mars, 'Noli,' and 'Marimar'

In between fits to finish an article, I browse various Web sites, usually my favored ones, in search of something interesting, or something that will brighten my day and will prompt me to finish what I'm doing. And recently, following are what I found, and my two cents' worth on each find:

From Reuters: This image is a composite mosaic of four polar views of Mars, taken at midnight, 6 a.m., noon, and 6 p.m. local Martian time taken by NASA's Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter spacecraft and released October 16, 2006....

From BBC News:
Volunteers sought for Mars test

First reaction: OMG!!! This is kind of cool - and a great find now I'm considering a career outside of writing.

So, read, read, read:
"The European Space Agency (Esa) is seeking volunteers for a simulated human trip to Mars, in which six crew spend 17 months in an isolation tank.

They will live and work in a series of interlocked modules at a research institute in Moscow.

Once the hatches are closed, the crew's only contact with the outside world is a radio link to "Earth" with a realistic delay of many minutes.

It sounds like Big Brother, but there are no plans to televise the test...."

Hmm.... So far, OK:
"...In all, 12 European volunteers will be needed. They must be aged 25-50, be in good health, have "high motivation" and stand up to 185cm tall. Smokers, or those with other addictions, to alcohol or illicit drugs, for example, will be rejected.

Esa is also looking for a working knowledge of both English and Russian...."

Bummer. Why this chance is only for Europeans, or among those who have the resources to explore the universe (hello, Descovrir, they're financing it)? What happened to equal opportunity? And as I remember how my sweetie put it once, to paraphrase, the US (and other advanced countries as well) are spending too much money for space explorations. Why not pool the resources to save our planet instead? Might be too late, but we can try - more. Ditto, sweetie.

From PDI: "Ang Pagtitipon" by Leandro Cruz

'Noli' in oil on canvas

Artist Leonardo Cruz gives Jose Rizal a different gift on the hero's 146th birth anniversary - painting 28 key scenes of the novel Noli Me Tangere in rich colors, giving the literary opus a new perspective, and which recently is translated by Penguin Books, proving more that the novel is truly one of world's classics.

Cruz's works are on exhibit at Fort Santiago, Manila. This effort will hope to entice more Filipinos, particularly the young, to read, and understand a classic such as Noli, and that the visual rendition, as Cruz paints the scenes in a comic-like manner, will make the novel graphically appealing, thus, creating the curious, and reigniting the imaginations of those who read the work, to look back on it.

More on Cruz's Noli rendition and about the novel here. (Interestingly, the author of this article shares the same birthday with our national hero. Don't ask me though how old this author is, hehehe).

On local TV:

Thalia as Marimar
Localizing "Marimar"

It's official. Marimar will no longer be seen on Philippine TV as dubbed in Filipino. The telenovela captured us because of its dramatic, juicy, lilting, lines (as dubbed in our own language). Remember, it dislodged the tabloidized TV news programs from their seats in the prime time, as the telenovela offered a concise, fast-paced storyline (in contrast with the Filipino soaps then that neared a decade to end) - a different take on the favored plot of poor-girl-becomes-victorious-and-avenges-for-her-sorry-past-

GMA 7 won the rights to remake Marimar. I'm a bit nostalgic about this - I was a late bloomer about the Thalia/Marimar rave. I didn't know then what the fuss was about when my high school friends (whom I miss) talked of Marimar, Sergio, Choy, Fulgoso (the talking dog), until I saw it and got hook eventually, even cutting our patintero/volleyball games and going home by 5pm to catch the telenovela.

It was first weird to see a Mexican "talking" in our lingua franca. But we got the hang of it, eventually empathizing with the protagonist's plight, even little girls wishing to be like the multimedia, beauteous artist Thalia. The phenomenon has become a subject in media classes as well (another blog post might be needed to discuss about everything that is with the phenomenon), as it altered the Filipino's prime time viewing. Soon, media outfits caught on the business the foreign telenovela is raking in - it is said cheaper to import canned soaps than produce them - and they scrambled (well, ABS-CBN that is) to get the other Thalia-starred soaps.

GMA is into remaking these days - even Shaider they're remaking too - but don't we just wish (especially savvy, media consumers), to see more quality, Filipino-made programs, than adapting programs as our own? Business-wise, it's not OK, but on my end, I want to have "good" memories of the programs (even not ours, and dubbed in our language, yet retained their production) that became part of my not-so-distant growing up years.

There goes my chopsuey post.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Redesigning Descovrir

I’m back online – been out for more than a week (?) due to allergic conjunctivitis (thought I’ll have measles, sheesh, because that allergy was coupled with recurring slight fever and terrible joint pains).

Got slowly back online since I have to check office e-mail, and other e-mails pertaining to work, plus I must accomplish my assignments – work and school.

Back to the blog, I hid it for a while, and now I got the time to do all these fancy stuff – which is cool, by the way, I mean the process, of revamping this. As for the redesign:

Softening the look. I opted for purples and pinks of varying shades to somewhat soften the stern, kind of masculine, white background and black font color used to be dominant in this blog.

I’m now using purples and pinks for link, blog title, blog description, post title, border, sidebar title, and visited link. But retained black for text and sidebar text color – to somewhat give a feel that I’m actually writing using black ink – for classiness.

Linking more friends, must sites, and certified idols. Yeah, the blog roll is quite many now (to your right, please). Apart from blog friends, I now added my daily dose – AP, CNNMoney, Columbia Journalism Review, PCIJ, Poynter Institute, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Time – sites I often visit to feed me news (which I’m neglecting for quite a time).

My blog friends are also many now – the staples back from college, university publication, UP naming mahal, and friends gained online and from a magazine cover and editorial shoot with the country’s hottie tourism chief (wink, wink to Mina) – sorry, girl wasn’t able to reply when you texted from our airport – was wasted then.

I also added into another group, the sites of my boss (Sir H logged off his site though), my UP profs (Sir Danny, Ma’am Rach - I didn't get Sir Luis as prof, since he no longer teaches in the graduate deparment - but he's one reason why I decided to study in UP and take up Journalism), and idols – an outstanding lawyer, a well-read columnist, a TV news personality (so far, the only one who can make me awake way late to watch his and his team’s well-produced documentaries).

I also linked my affiliations – current to previous works, and where I’m studying and I studied, and where I had my OJT.

Purpose of linking all these? One log in and I’ll be welcomed to all these sites for my online reading.

Adding fancy stuff. Yeah, I have this page element my blogthing now (up there, before the post). Something that caught my fancy and thought fun to post, for you also before you read the latest post of a 26 year-old cute sweetie here (ehem, ehem, and ehem). If you didn’t like my post, at least, you can try my blogthing, hehe. New blogthing for every new post, that’s the goal.

I also linked my images here, where I can store the cutest of me (he-he-he). I’m running out of hard disk space so I’m storing them here.

I also elaborated more about myself – after all, I initially wanted (and still want) this blog to be a discovery and rediscovery of my being a starting journalist, student, blah, blah (it’s all there, up there please, in the blog title, and to your right, about me too).

Honoring copyright. Yes. From now, since this will no longer be a text-heavy blog, I’ll be using images, borrowing from various sources, specifically from Google images (which are free and for re-use). Citing where I got an image is just proper to acknowledge the people or the site which put it – a rightful practice I got from Atty. Te (blog link here, right, down, there).

Revamping me. My way to start redesigning myself – some things about me need to change – and hopefully I change for my good….

Welcome to Descovrir - redesigned.

Monday, April 23, 2007

"Satisfaction with life scale" from Oprah

Warming up for another night's work, and the first night of recovering (or devastating, whatever) from an ache, I took this happiness quiz from Oprah. And here's what I got:
Your total score: 17

I put some texts in bold, texts to live by for the next days, next months, next years - next-who-knows-until-when.... More from Oprah:

If you scored 15 or under, you are dissatisfied with your life. If you scored 31 or higher, you are extremely satisfied with your life.

If you scored somewhere in the middle, happiness expert Dr. Robert Holden has some advice on how to live a more satisfying life. Dr. Holden says the key to being happy is overcoming "destination addiction," which he defines as "living in the not-now."

"It's always about tomorrow, so you're chasing 'more,' 'next' and 'there,'" he says. "You promise yourself that when you get there, you'll be happy. And I promise you, you won't, because you'll always set another destination to go for."

Instead, Dr. Holden says if you are unhappy with your life or looking to improve your score, there are two things you can do. "We have to learn to let go of our past, we have to give up all hopes for a perfect past. Let the past go, it's gone." After that, he says, "Take a vow of kindness. Be kinder to yourself and to others."

"It's never too late to be happy," he says.

= = = = =
"It's never too late to be happy." Yes - until you forget the "past".... Sorry, kind of cryptic here. Now to work.

Friday, April 13, 2007

I'm not Wonder Woman, y'know

That's how an old friend (literally old, hehe) calls me - because, he says, kaya ko ayusin ang mga bagay-bagay, especially when I'm very proud telling him stories of how I did "wonders," even saving males in distress (ehem). And my name spells like that of Wonder Woman star, Lynda Carter (initials, L.C. - same really, hehe), he further points out.

Yes. I sometimes feel like Wonder Woman. Not that I look like the screen goddess Lynda Carter, (she's beautiful! I'm only cute!!!). Why I think I'm Wonder Woman? Because I sometimes can do wonders, made possible through other's help.

But most of the time, I'm just plain, cute Lynda. I don't have the power to save people, to pull things off, or produce miracles. Like those are only contained in the 70s TV series' theme, "make a hawk a dove, stop a war with love, make a liar tell the truth, stop a bullet cold, make the Axis fall, change their minds, and change the world." Only Lynda Carter's character can do those. Not me.

And lately, I feel I can't do, or subconsciously, refuse to do wonders. My power's down. My magic's waning. I don't feel like saving the world in my own little way.

And to borrow from Carter's line in the 2005 movie Sky High, (where she played Principal Powers, th head of superheroes' school), "...I can't do anything more to help you. I'm not Wonder Woman, y'know."

But earlier this Friday the 13th, I felt my power's recharged, my magic's increased, and I was ready to save the world - well, my world, at least, and really glad to those who helped.

Not only I must have that drive to fulfill the task (work-related obviously), but I got happy with myself because the persistence, charm, brilliance that some people associate with me - I felt all those working earlier. I thought I was losing or already lost those qualities (if I really have them) in the past days. But I felt them earlier. They're real.

After friends and Lynda Cute (hehe, braggart) saved the day (well, the task's culmination is up to next days, so, still, wish us luck), my aching feet knew were they're headed - to His house. Settling there, I thanked Him, through his illuminated image displayed to those seeking guidance, help, and protection, like I. Hope I sincerely thanked those who helped me this Friday the 13th.

I'm tired today. But I'm fulfilled. I feel I accomplished a huge task where in fact that was just a small feat. And when small feats are carried out well, they feel like huge jobs well done, even without others commending you for such achievement.

I know the Wonder Woman in me is still here. Maybe she needs some time off, which she will have to avail soonest or else risk early retirement. And for Lynda Cute to still be Wonder Woman in the next busy-busy days, vitamins lang katapat ko.
But for now, as my old friend's parting shot to me, "OK, Wonder Woman, the world's waiting for you."

Thursday, March 22, 2007

And they are all running

Just woke up from a nap, and checked online news, when I came across this - my former newspaper boss and my Sociology prof last semester are running this elections.

OK. I remember my newspaper boss well, though I only had one chance to work closely with him. Remember him through the following, from my old blog, parts are here:

...Now this is big deal digression.
Above all, (I guess) I’ll miss the EVPhehehe. He’s handsome and he’s turning 36 this March 17.
When I came in, he was the first one that I earnestly looked at. I had a crush on him during my first few months here....
But I had a chance to work with him when he tapped me to do the banner story of the anniversary issue of the newspaper last year. I was retrenched and was kept here then. He asked until when would I be staying then, my editor said that I would remain here.
Good, he said, he summoned me to his desk and we discussed what he wanted me to do for the story.
Days that followed were heaven and hell.... He always asked me if I like this and that draft of the story, all I can say then was yes. He probed, are you sure? Hey, who am I to argue with the boss? So I sort of enjoyed and endured my work with him.
After the anniv issue came out, as he promised he e-mailed me pointers such as write as if I’m talking to my little sister, avoid legalese, techno speak (the article that he asked me to write – why does advertising in newspaper makes sense? – are filled with such legalese, techno speak, based on my readings and interviews)....
Lastly, he said, "I hope you like that article that came out. Thank you for doing the job and until next assignment." Unfortunately, there’ll be no next assignment for me to work with him....

As for my UP prof, he's one of the best professors I had. Despite all the gray hair and the signs of age that mark his face, he strikes as cool prof - coming to class with back pack at that. He prepares for every lesson, with his guide ready at hand, listening well to us reporting, and taking down notes from our reports. His fact-based opinions, evident in his scholarly writings and journalistic outputs, are thought-provoking reads and are respected both in national and international communities.

I remember not participating much in his Seminar in Political Sociology class - it was every 9am of Tuesdays, an ungodly time to have heavy concepts to digest - so I resolved to do well in my last report, and got noticed for that, saying I reported well on globalization, religion, and politics, particularly Samuel Huntington's "Clash of Civilizations", and commended me for the initiative to read other materials other than those assigned. I did well in our finals, I believe, getting 1.25 as course grade (I brag here since I'm just proud I got such grade for that difficult, readings-packed course I got). But don't know if this prof remembers me though.

So, I'm surprised that two persons I actually know are joining the circus this May. I believe they are doing their best already in the fields they are in, why join politics? Just wondering. Oh, well, this is a democratic country. You can do whatever you want - get a celebrity to build up your chances of winning the polls, air cheesy or pop ads to create recall among voters, max your schedule for all the campaigning you need.

And what right I've got to babble here? I'm not voting - I didn't try my best to make it to the last day of voters' registration. Though I served as NAMFREL volunteer in the 2001 elections, I felt after I lost the drive to be a socially responsible citizen. Prior to that, I joined EDSA II thinking I'm contributing to change, but looked what happened after - "Hello, Garci?". And that I became obsessed in making myself a responsible person than being a socially responsible citizen. Oh, well.

So, to my newspaper boss and UP prof, good luck.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Good news

I don't remember blogging about this - I just had no strength to detail then, considering I was partly close to my former boss - who I name as a second father and a true mentor. His wife, who was the company president, died last year - an untimely, imaginable death at that.

And the development I learned is good news. For me, there is no point to tell the gory details of it - let the background information provided in the news links say so. All I want to treasure are the good things, the worthy memories I spent with them as my bosses, and the friends I made while there in their company. Hope things will be well from now on...

Saturday, March 10, 2007

I want to be a mommy someday

i'm happy for jayme who will give birth to a baby girl soon.

i'm happy for another friend, cris, who gave birth to a baby boy last february.

and i wish i'll have the same happiness they have - but not soon - not this year, not next year, not in the next five years.

i know in my heart that it's not all career and studies i'm after - i want to be a mommy also - a mother to a boy and a girl, hopefully.

but yesterday, i got scared of not realizing that dream.

i always have bad cases of dysmenorrhea - as in bad. i can't forget when i bled profusely back in college. my JOURN classmates were shocked to find me bleeding in the ladies' room - the kind you see on TV and movies in miscarriage cases - as in, crimson red gushing down my legs. some of my classmates rushed to the UST clinic to get help for me, my publications adviser who happened to be in another class was called by my friends and she stormed out and attended to me; our professor was all worried about me, class was halted for a time because of me. i was wheelchaired to the university clinic and there i washed myself since the baby diaper i was wearing was not able to contain too much blood (yes, it was that bad i had to wear diapers on second and third days of my period). my girlfriends visited me after class and brought me some food (it was milk and pizza - a tummy-turning combo, haha, but they were thoughtful and that was more than enough). glad my classmates did not suspect i was pregnant then - well, to think the funny side of it.

i was prescribed to take medication and was advised to see an OB-GYNE. it was partly due to stress, lack of sleep (like most of my closest, college friends, I was part-time AB Journalism student and full-time varsitarian staff member - the work load and all), diet, exercise, and genes (maybe), the reasons i was profusely bleeding. until now, i'm taking that medication. i still bleed that much, but not that profuse, and dysmenorrhea pains suck, especially on second and third days.

and yesterday was my third day. on my way to ortigas, i suddenly fell all cold and dizzy as i was nearing the MRT Ayala station ticket booth. so dizzy and cold was i that i rushed to a cafe nearby. good thing it was not that full and i immediately asked for a brewed coffee. good thing it was steamy. i instantly inhaled its aroma to calm my nerves. yet i was still cold. i was in the verge of tears but managed not to cry. i asked for water and took my drug right away. i knew i was pale - i didn't want to look at my compact mirror to see how ghostly was i. i stayed there for about 15 minutes until i felt i'm becoming a little better. i stayed for another 15 to 20 minutes to make sure i could walk straight. blame my period, the accompanying pain, and the scorching heat for this yesterday's episode.

when i managed to get to MRT - that episode back in my senior college year hit me. and later, my mother's latest story about my second-degree cousin, who like i, have bad cases of dysmenorrhea. she fell that ill two weeks back and - i don't remember exactly the detail because it was gory for me i couldn't handle my mother all detailing it - my cousin's uterus had to be surgically removed.

i had goose bumps thinking of that - what if i end up like her? if my uterus has to be removed, how can i be a mommy? lucky for my cousin she has children already. but what if i'm that ill now? i forgot about these when i reached my destination, got myself a coke in can, and buckled down to work, yet, remembered them again on my way home.

i know, i feel, i'm not that ill, though my check up is due soon. i didn't follow, or i can't follow the doctors' advise to change my lifestyle - to get enough rest, to sleep adequately, and diet just right - but if i want to be healthy enough, i shouldn't be this stubborn. all i know now is i'm not ready for something like what happened to my cousin. i still want to be a mommy like jayme and cris. but, who knows? who knows...