Monday, December 27, 2010

Ms. Lynda "The Grinch" Corpuz

Yes. I've been grinchy and grouchy for weeks now.

Blame it on hormones, my medication, my short fuse, or simply things that are really "wrong" by my standards,  like the following:

1. Kids playing in the supermarket.  Where in the world are the parents or the guardians or the nannies, leaving their kids unattended - running around the jampacked, cart-to-cart shopping alleys. Many times I turned my cart and I almost knocked off kids who suddenly blocked my way. Definitely the adults accompanying them would hear a mouthful from me (in rapid-fire English or Filipino): "If you can't take care of your kids while shopping, then don't bring them here. This is not a playground, this is a supermarket!"

There are also those kids who kept running up on a going down escalator and vice versa, and the adults would just called their kids instead of tucking them and not letting them out of their sight.
Don't get me wrong - I like kids, and with less effort on my part, kids get to like me. What I don't like are the adults not really knowing how to take good care of their kids, especially when in public places. If the kids are accompanied by their grandparents or elderly guardians or adults who really are looking after their wards but the kids are just too slimy they got away from them, I let it pass. But for the rest, no. Please, bring your kids to where they can freely play then.


2.  Abusive taxi drivers.  Definitely, I'm not alone on this one - this is one big thing to be pissed off. Despite the Oplan Isnabero campaign, there are still cabbies who are out to rip you off. I often ride cabs these days, especially when I wake up late and rushing to be in the office not later than 11AM. Some drivers have all these tricks to outwit their passengers - from rigged meters, to refusing them a ride, to contracting them for a fare, among others.

At times, especially when going home late, I offer an extra amount so they would agree (since my place is far). At times, I agree to give them the additional amount they asked for so I could just get home. But those drivers who have all these dirty tricks up their sleeves definitely heard a mouthful from me - and so far, I've reported three of them in a span of two weeks.

My teammates heard me lashed out for the first time on one cabbie for demanding to give him extra when our destination is only to Quezon Avenue (coming from our workplace, with one teammate to be dropped off in Cubao - and the rate for this is usually less PHP100.00).  OK, it was heavy traffic that night but what made me furious was that it was an MGE driver, and MGE is one of the four taxi franchises accredited by our company to drive their employees safely to their destination - and this one driver of them is an abusive one.

Oplan Isnabero is said to continue even after the holidays. Good then. To report an abusive taxi driver, call or text the Department of Transportation and Communications hotline: •7890  •0917 247 0385  •0919 222 7462


3. No coins, no purchase?  I don't think it is our fault, customers, not to have coins with us when we buy from your store. Say, if you buy worth PHP415.00, and you give PHP500.00, the cashier would ask if you have PHP15.00 so she/he would give you PHP100.00 as change. If you say none, she/he would say, "Ma'am, wala po akong isusukli (Ma'am I don't have any change here ...)," implying to not purchase from them if you can not produce the coins they are asking for. Is it your fault that the store doesn't have any coin or bill of a lesser amount for change? Come on!!!

I heard one friend lashed out to a cashier who did this to him. And really, it was a big bummer. To avoid such inconvenience, I often give them the coins or the bill they asked for. But when I sensed that the cashier is just being lazy to sort change for me, I say with conviction that I don't have that amount. I, like most of us, customers, work hard to be able to buy from their stores, and the cashiers or the sales ladies/men are also expected to deliver, especially that they are in the business of customer service.


4. Poor restaurant/fast food service.  Last week, I ordered a spaghetti and ham and cheese pizza (I think) meal from Fatboys Pizza Pasta at Eton Centris Mall. The place was small and we were less than 10 diners I think, and my order took more than 15 minutes. I kept silent but the customer after me was already complaining, asking why the spaghetti was taking too long. When my meal was served, it was not warm enough that in less than five minutes, it was cold already - and pizza and pasta should be served hot. I did not complain and I ate it so I could take my medicine already.

The other customer was also pissed off with the spaghetti order (whom she asked to be for takeaway instead since it was taking eons to be served) that she went up to the cashier and asked the order to be cancelled. After, the crew went on bickering and blaming each other for that cancelled order and who's going to be responsible for that. I felt ashamed for them and for the store owner - the crew kept trading barbs to each other, and to think there were diners enduring their poor customer service that night.

I couldn't take it so I also walked up to the cashier, and to the best of my ability, talked calmly about the cold meal they served and the annoying bickering they're into - I said that in English (often, when pissed off, I speak in English) that I'm not sure the cashier and the other crew members there cared to understand what I was telling them. I swear, no matter how hungry I am, I will not eat there again.


5.  Limelight stealers.  I am a listener, a patient and an engaged one, especially when people I am with have very interesting things to say. Most likely I got this trait from years of working as a journalist, interviewing all kinds of personalities. I have high tolerance for monologues.

What I don't like though are people, especially when it happens that it was me who needed to be listened to, would steal the opportunity to talk from me, and instead talk about themselves - and tell things that are not connected at all to what I was sharing with them. Often, I let such instances go away. But lately, I kept withdrawing and let them blabber until the supposed-to-be-conversation-that-turned-into-a-monologue would die a natural death. And lately, I have been avoiding such kind of people.


This list of super pet peeves of mine could go on and on. Of course, when patience could be extended, I do stretch my patience. But things like this are really not worth my patience. But then again, who wants to be stressed with such pet peeves?

I just wish people to be more considerate. And hopefully, when the holidays and the annoying happenings associated with the occasion are over, Ms. Lynda Grinch would be a little of Ms. Congeniality (I can't be totally Ms. Congeniality, it is not me, and you're being warned).

Thursday, November 11, 2010

60 to 30: Ending to Beginning

I am ending this night frantically beating a deadline (and seguing to blog to unwind a bit).

I still have to pack for my travel.

I will close this last night of my 29th year with a prayer of gratitude:

- For all the things I am blessed
- For all the challenges I hurdled
- For the successes I had in my career and my quest for writing
- For my parents who raised me despite all the hardships
- For all our relatives who helped out to ensure I would get a very good education
- To my brothers who especially on valiant occasions, serve as my protector (mostly, they are my tormentors, haha)
- To all the friends who saved me from troubles and accepted me as I am
- The acquaintances, the colleagues, the mentors, the celebrities, the personalities I met and exchanged thoughts with, saved and learned a thing or two or more
- For discovering what it is like to love and to feel like to be loved
- To get hurt, cry, stand up, be normal, then crying again, but standing up once more
- For staying strong, and stronger

Thank you.

I am starting tomorrow with a prayer, and on my way to travel - to isolate myself even for four days to renew my spirituality, rediscover my faith, and cap this journey with a recharging experience.

Indeed, thank you that I am here.

And I look forward to becoming a better person for you all, those who believe in me, and for those who will come and be part of my life.

60 to 30: Can You Read My Mind?

I am filled with the following - so far:

My trip this Friday to Monday;

This, well, seemingly, uncomfortable, unfolding happenings at work;

The past, the not so distant past, the present, and whatever the future beholds;

My health, with all these tests and doctors' visits;

Digging for something, something which I don't know what it is;

Blogging about how cluttered my mind is at the moment;

Keeping the tears away, as for some reason or another, this is a crappy night ....

I turned my attention to watching The Mentalist, and Simon Baker (the lead character as Patrick Jane) - and now Currie Graham (the recurring character of Walter Mashburn) - amused me with their overload of good looks, effortless onscreen charisma, and very endearing characters they are portraying. But they were only my relief for about an hour - they are celebrities and totally far from my reach ....

currie graham,Patrick Jane,Robin Tunney,Simon Baker,the mentalist,the mentalist episode 8,the mentalist red hot
Currie Graham, Robin Tunney, and Simon Baker in the episode, Red Hot
(Image from http://www.cbs.com/primetime/the_mentalist/photos/Episode_8_Gallery/1/0/)

Now, I am lost again. I hate myself every time I fall into this state - or lack of.

I must focus to fully reassess myself.

And I really look forward to have this trip the start of my becoming a better person.

Yes, I have to be a better person for myself - not for anybody else. If only Patrick Jane could read me now ....


Behind the Scenes

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

60 to 30: Perfect Day

This Tuesday may not be the "perfect day" for most of us. But, is there really such a perfect day?

I guess it's a perfect day when:

When a nun was so accommodating but was not in a hurry to collect payment for your upcoming retreat;

The baristas at Starbucks had a good laugh over your and your colleague's funny exchange of lines, mimicking a commercial;

When the same baristas were so nice with you and was so apologetic when you got stalled in the line;

Your teammates kept you laughing over email exchanges for an upcoming bowling game;

A friend met you after work, had tea with you, and drove you home while he blasted his iTouch with Filipino songs and sang along with them (before that he was singing you religious songs);

When a colleague raised a possible opportunity which widens your career option within the company ....

= = = = =
Such happenings made my Tuesday. Far from perfect (since there were glitches), but definitely way far from terrible!

And to cap this evening, I came across this new single from Scotland's singing sweetheart, Susan Boyle; her cover of punk legend, Lou Reed's song, Perfect Day:




Let's all have a "perfect" Wednesday. Good night.

Monday, November 08, 2010

60 to 30: Star

Image from http://www.advocacysouthwest.org.au/


While reading the e-book version of Steve Chandler's 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself as part of my chosen online training, a pop-up window appeared, meaning, I have a new email.

I clicked "OK" and the subject was, Customer Feedback. I sat up straight to check it. It was from my manager, sharing that the management is extending its "thanks" for a job well done on a 1-pager document I minimally edited/proofread. The email's opening had a dashing star on it, and I scrolled below to see the big boss's email stating our team did a great job for that deliverable.

I replied a simple thank you to my manager. But I can't help think about how ironic life really is:

I did far harder, far miserable work in the past but the commendations from my superiors or those who get to see my work were rare. I got used to it and it became a routine and I felt I'm stuck with a low pay for too much work that I decided to call it quits.

But for this 1-pager that I finished for about an hour, my manager was generous to share, to extend to me what the big boss thought of about the work we delivered.

At times, we sweat, we toil hard in life for a little appreciation, but appreciation never came.

We feel bad about it that we get to reduce ourselves to becoming a non-appreciative person, too.

We fail to recognize that there are those who try to make things lighter for us, and yet we push them away because we hardly appreciate ourselves.

For those who were pushed, they kept insisting themselves to the one who pushed them away, limiting their world on that person, and missing far greater opportunities awaiting them.

It's a process -  a long, tedious process.

Thank you if we get appreciated.

But let's always remember that we do what we're doing because we like it, and not to score stars to get noticed.

If others don't like what we did for them, or just plainly, suddenly, don't like us anymore, let them be.

We are a star in our own right.

We don't need to bag a star from those who don't really know our truest worth.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

60 to 30: Skirt Flirt or Shop Stop?

A quick trip to the mall to buy our afternoon snack led me and my teammate to __ and saw this dark grey and (grey and beige), A-line, belted, and semi-ruffled (at hemline) skirt. At 20% off! It also comes in lemon yellow color but that's too bright for me.

Once I saw something at a store, I know it's for me. I'll fit it, I'll ask for sizes (I'm bordering from small to medium, at rare times [luckily!] large] or ask for another color if I'm being hesitant. But most of the time, since I always knew what I like, I'd definitely get it for myself.

Back to that skirt. So far, I already have a black, ribboned, paneled A-line skirt; a navy blue, pencil skirt, and a printed, full skirt. I need to add either brown or grey to my skirt staples. But these skirts were bought only about a week apart each, among other items of clothing that are kept in my cabinet and still waiting to be worn.

And my horoscope today somehow bedevils me to justify another flirty affair with a skirt: 

"At the moment, it's all about how you look -- because that will have a direct impact on how you feel, which will have a direct impact on how you act. See how this works? Might be time to do some serious shopping."

I won't stop after buying that skirt as I'm building up my really "feminine" wardrobe. Sure, I can afford it since I have "happy money" for this kind of "to-die-for" purchases. But an upcoming trip, the holiday season of spending and giving, giving and spending, and financial planning for 2011 in order, I really have to think long and hard about this skirt. But as my teammate asked me, " did you ask if there's still any size? Or do they still have stocks of it (the dark grey skirt)?"

I better go to sleep and dream about this. Maybe I'd have my answer tomorrow ....

And if it's gone by the time I'm ready to buy that skirt, that only means it's not meant for me.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

60 to 30: Purple, Grey, Blue Tuesday

Another epiphany this morning, coming from a very shitty Monday night.

I decided to go to work wearing a plain, purple/lilac top; topped with plaid, grey boyfriend blazer; flattened my tummy with a black, garter belt, and a navy blue pencil skirt from (PHP699.00 from Meg).






Pardon the bad hair day. So after taking these photos during our lunch break, I headed to the ladies' room and tied my hair, and let go of the belt and wore the boyfriend blazer freely.

As cited, I'm really your jeans-kind-of-a-girl, thus it's always a challenge for me to wear a skirt or a dress these days (after many years of avoiding them). But I'm learning, and I'd do better with those staples - soon.

*Special thanks to my teammate for taking these photos of me.

Monday, October 25, 2010

60 to 30: So Many Questions ...

HER (9:56 PM):  your friends there know that you ended our relationship already?


HIM (9:58 PM):  they know we split up


HER (9:58 PM):  you told them that you ended it via email?


HIM (9:58 PM):  no


HER (9:58 PM):  why not?


HER (9:59 PM):  that’s what really happened right?


HER (10:00 PM):  please tell me – if it wasn’t my fault (as you said in your email) that you fell out of love with me, then why am i hurting about us?


HER (10:03 PM):  i wonder though what your friends think of me, if they only got to hear your side of the story …


HER (10:03 PM):  i also wonder, like you said, you asked (ex-wife) several times to get back with you even after all that happened between the two of you


HER (10:04 PM):  why can’t you reconsider me? us?

HER (10:05 PM):  when i am here loving you despite it all?


HIM (10:07 PM):  must you keep going on about it


HIM (10:08 PM):  not in the mood and i need sleep


HER (10:11 PM):  i am only asking.


HER (10:11 PM):  you rest now. i think i also have too. i’m having chills here.


HER (10:16 PM):  i am only asking, ___ . it’s not easy being left out not knowing what you did wrong ….

HER (10:18 PM):  good night.

Saturday, October 02, 2010

60 to 30: Rainy Blue Friday

After September that was mostly dry and sunny, we welcomed October 1 with a rainy Friday.

And since our company allows a relaxed wear on Fridays (of course, still subject to dress code), I went to work wearing this:


Black jacket from G2000; long, navy blue shorts from Tomato (PHP300); gray, peep toe wedges by Predictions from Payless Shoe Source (PHP945.00)


I got the shorts because it looks like a skirt, it's comfy, and it's blue (my first navy blue piece that I could use for office and casual wear, too). Although I look small wearing this ensemble (judging from this photo), my whole day was super comfy, super relaxed! Thanks to my teammate who took this photo - a whole body shot of me for this week of fashion blogging! (As opposed to 3/4 body shots I managed to take of myself using the timer and used for the earlier blog posts, sheesh). 

This wraps up my week filled with fashionista epiphanies, haha (nothing for Thursday though, as I didn't wear anything new that day).

Indeed, meticulously choosing what to wear (out of my stock of unworn clothes) made my mornings this week. The process took me off from dwelling about my dilemma to start my day (although before I sleep, the nagging thought creeps back - except Wednesday night after the shoot that I slept right away - no dinner at all and no time to worry for me).

So, what's for us all next week?

Friday, October 01, 2010

60 to 30: Comfy Brown Wednesday

Following Tuesday's floor walk, the next day was a hectic day (that started as 7:30AM - early for me these days) working with our visitors for a photo shoot.

I'm no stranger with that kind of work since when I was managing editor of MoneySense I took charge of our cover photo shoots (even interviewed the personalities). So I decided to wear something comfy (and our team lead allowed us to wear jeans, yay), so assisting Wednesday's photo shoot was a breeze with me wearing this:

Sage/dark brown tunic with brown, woven belt (small size) by twentyone from Forever 21 (PHP1025.00)

I wore this with black, skinny jeans and my gray, peep toe wedges (with matching my barely used huge, gray, ladies' bag), and later that day, I had my hair in an updo for a fresher look.

We encountered glitches during the shoot, and glad we were able to pull them off. Despite such, I was still feeling comfy. Our visitor from Mexico perkily exclaimed very early that day that she like what I'm wearing and it was so cute with the belt on (and she was perky until we packed up at 5:30PM!!!). Yey for the fashionista effort!

This indeed was a comfy wear that surely will be included in my staple wardrobe.

60 to 30: Dark Olive Tuesday

Yes, I had another epiphany on Tuesday morning (like the one I had last Monday) that I decided to wear this:


Short length, dark olive dress (small) with black belt, Love 21 from Forever 21 (PHP1428.50)

I bought this sometime in July and I've been meaning to wear this to the PPO season opening last month. But that didn't happen as agreed with my former officemates. Rather than my yellow hanger wear this in my closet for long, I decided to wear this to the office instead - another first in my office girl life.

I only wore tiny, silver stud earrings for this since the shoulder blades are adorned with black, shiny, medium-size buttons encased in silver.

As this is short, so I was always struggling to wear it decently especially when walking and seating - I kind of regret wearing it that day since it slipped my mind that we would be hosting visitors for a floor walk - on all three floors of our company. I wore this with my "killer" shoes for the sake of vanity:


Faux, brown snake-skinned (or alligator, haha) shoes from Janeo (Apologies for the dust gathered under the TV table on the background)

I endured the pain and I think it paid off. One of the visitors commended that me and the other ladies hosting the floor walk were all nicely dressed welcoming them - a stark contrast to their jet-lagged, rugged attire.

Since its sleeves are openly wide, I had to wear a black tube top inside, and I didn't have a jacket/blazer with me that I endured the office airconditioning, only covering my arms and legs with my pashmina.

Whew, what I day that I am able to pull this off - but I swear I'll not wear this again for another round of floor walk. No. Never.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

60 to 30: Coping Through Praying

I try to sleep.

I wake up and convince myself this will be a better day.

I hold back the tears.

I tell myself, I am strong, even when I am not.

I am busy at work. But a quick trip to the loo make me think too much that tears freely fall.

For three days now, I am getting by, praying for serenity:


"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,



the courage to change the things I can, and



the wisdom to know the difference."


This prayer attributed to St. Francis of Assisi calms me when I need to be calm.

So far, I am getting by.

I am still looking forward to the day that all my questions will be answered; all the things uncleared will be cleared; all that is needed to be said would finally be said ....

One day ....

Monday, September 27, 2010

60 to 30: From Tearful Sunday to Skirt-y Monday

I am emotionally and mentally and spiritually battered, bruised, crucified, despised, humiliated, hurt, miserable, scorned for months now.

Yesterday was too much, that I spent the rest of the day crying, and slept with a throbbing headache and puffy eyes. I told my youngest brother about it and he consoled me, and a dear friend assured me it's OK to cry, and even sent me songs to cry with.

But when I woke up earlier, I thought of prettifying myself - if I am unwell inside, I should, at least, try to look well outside.

So that's what I did, and I believe I am able to pull it off. My teammates noticed my change in wardrobe (from my staple slacks and jeans), and I joked to them I woke up and realized that I am a lady so I wore a skirt, haha.

In my eight years of professional life, today is the first time that I wore a skirt to the office (I think the last time I wore a skirt was back in college!)


Full, knee-length, printed (of black, gray, and pink) skirt from Tomato (PHP275.00, 50% off from PHP550.00); gray, peep toe wedges by Predictions from Payless Shoe Source (PHP945.00) and peeping behind me is my Ab Rocket, Abbie

I sent photos of this skirt to a friend and she liked it and suggested bright colored top to match this. I don't have a bright colored top to suit the skirt, so I wore this with a black top (that I forgot where I bought it, probably in one of those tiangges at the mall).




Thumbs up: What I liked about this skirt is that it suits my conservative style - it is a full skirt and it runs below the knees - even when I sit, it still covers my knees. And it's a steal for half a price (I bought this from Tomato outlet in La Fuerza Plaza 1, Pasong Tamo, Makati City).

I feel all right today, fashion-wise, and I look forward to have a restful sleep. And tomorrow, I might have another epiphany (hahaha!) and I might wear any of those unworn dresses/slacks/tops I bought the past months.

And yes, for us ladies, sometimes, fashion is the cure.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

60 to 30: Single

When your friend in Facebook changes his/her status from in a relationship to single, that causes a buzz.

You see it in "petty" fights between young couples. But to see someone who's almost 50 do it, it must be something - something childish, something immature, something unexplainable.

When you're the partner of that person, what would you do? Be abrupt too - change your status from engaged to single?

Considering previous instances that this person hurt you, this Facebook status change is the ultimate cue for you - you're better off with someone who's mature enough, and caring and understanding enough, to be human enough to tell to your face - and not course it through e-mail or freaking Facebook - that he/she no longer loves you, that he/she never loved you at all, that he/she is done with you, so f*** off.

But if you still believe there is hope, you can hang in there until that person learns to acknowlege you, be content with you, and try to love you. Like how you hanged in there for four months and four days since that person dumped you - or 3 years, 2 months, and 8 days of believing that what you're sharing with this person is all worth it.

It's your choice. The best to do now is to hang in there for your dear life - not for his or hers.

I'm hanging on to my dear life ....

Thursday, September 16, 2010

60 to 30: From Deadlines to Dresses

 I blogged I'd start with daily blogging starting September 12 to November 10 - but since Monday, I wasn't able to.

For updates:

Work. I had deadlines to beat ang glad I beat them.

I rediscovered I still have the knack to discuss confidently about personal finance, which I shared with my team mates yesterday - and I will share here in detail in the coming days.

Vacation Leave - NOT! I was supposed to be on vacation leave today but spent it in agitation and frustration over how poor the public service system and the customer service of the giant mall brand here - and I experienced both today. I'm too exhausted now to detail, but I owe myself to blog about them, as today's really a test of patience for me - and I failed it.

Fit-ty Me. What I'm excited about now is - I bought my fitness companion, and I'll assemble it later. And I'm christening my Ab Rocket - Abbie. Yey!

And when I had my weight checked at a health kiosk, I weight 129! That's 1 or 3 pounds less since I last checked more than a month ago!!! That's still normal for my built but I want to lose four pounds more in 1 month! And get rid of the flabby tummy.

Abbie the Ab Rocket


Dress Success. Yes! Despite the overpass climb, the jeepney commute, and the long day of standing and walking, I pulled off this Collezione Philippine Map dresss shirt! I first wore this with a maong shorts that's just below the knees. But today, I wore it as it is, whew. Though I'm still conscious about the tummy, but good thing this is black. I bought another dress last Tuesday and I do hope I'd be able to wear it with more confidence.


At a fitting room earlier

There goes my updates. Back to work tomorrow and another deadline-beating day so I have to call it a night. And I must stick to my 60 to 30 mission.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

60 to 30: Fit to Fab

Today begins my commitment to blog daily, up to November 10, 2010 - a total of 60 days.

Today marks the start of life-changing, lifestyle-modifying to dos to improve my quality of life.

Actually, I am happy to share that I'm on my third week now of working out using instructional VCDs (yes, VCDs as I couldn't find workout kits in DVDs). I started with warm ups, the circuit routine, and cool downs last August 31. This is my numbers 3 and 4 to do before 2010 ends.

On September 4, I bought this Firm, Flat Abs in 4 weeks - the workout designed by Violet Zaki for Self magazine plus the Hip Hop Aerobics VCD. I tried them both  and yes I felt so energized after. Although, I keep working out with Zaki's fab abs workout as I find it really challenging and tummy-busting and sweat-inducing (boy, just the warm ups and I'm perspiring a lot already!)

Also, me, a dear friend, and a teammate from work did hip hop abs on September 2, and I am happy to report that I'm able to do the routines and yes I can dance hip hop! Looking forward to another hip hop abs session with them (and this dear friend committed to cook yummy dishes after our work outs!)

Yesterday, I made a reservation at  Toby's Sports for the Ab Rocket equipment. I read reviews about it and similar product, Total Core, and I found more encouraging reviews for the former. Plus, it fully supports the back and the neck which easily get strain doing those crunches and sit ups. I will pick it up on Thursday and hopefully, I will be able to extend my workout from every other day to daily.

What this obsession with fitness? It's not obsession, it's high time that for my age I workout/exercise regularly to improve my metabolism, strengthen my core, full blast my stamina, and yes, I want to get back to my previous, slim features (not exactly the weight as I am underweight then for my frame). So this is the start.

Apart from working out at home, I also like to jog again, as it is a different high when you jog out in an open field and see fellow joggers sweat and get fab.

I will keep you updated and see if my working out is making me fit and fab.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Loving Myself

Our Wednesday's sharing insight session shook me from these months of uncertainties.

Our team leader shared that she lives by these words:

I am too blessed to be stressed.

I am anointed to be disappointed.

Failure is not God's rejection but rather His redirection.

= = = = =
Still from our sharing insight session, a couple of teammates shared that it's best, more acceptable, to be criticized by someone who truly knows us. Albeit more hurtful, he/she is the person to knock our heads and advise us on things that troubling us.


An anonymous blogger/reader left a comment on my Monday, September 6 entry, saying if I'm numb not to realize that person I was referring to in my post no longer likes me. I rejected the comment since while he/she is right, he/she doesn't know me well to sound like it's too easy to give up on the fight I'm into now.
 
I'm not giving up on the fight.
 
However, I am loving myself back. I neglected myself the past months, or I say years, when I turned my back on possible opportunities and to achieve my dreams in exchange for supposed chance of loving and living my life with the one I love.
 
For now, I am gathering strength, working my hardest, filling my wallet, and my bank account, to achieve the things I wasn't able to enjoy when money was a major concern. I am blessed on this aspect at the moment, and I will use this blessing to start the path to love myself - more.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Thinning Thread

What else is there to do:

When you accepted it's your fault (even if not)?

When you pleaded so many times but your pleas are just falling on deaf ears?

When many times you humbled yourself, asked for forgiveness, when you're the one who's aggrieved?

When you suffered countless depressed nights of stifled crying and wailing, when the rest of the world continues to live on?

When you risked your sanity harboring ill thoughts to end your suffering or failed your health on occasions, but you still chose to stand up, continue, and fight?

Is it still worth fighting for? When you're back to harboring ill thoughts to end your suffering, when after so many struggles you managed to slowly, steadily, piece back your broken self? And still mending your broken self?  

The thread of hope is running thin.

Should you continue spinning to see if something beautiful would come out of what's left of this thinning thread?

Should I still remain here? Pleading? Waiting? And let my self break into so many pieces again? 

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Descovrir's 10 "Must" Dos Before 2010 Ends

The following are my 10 must dos before 2010 ends ... and I will do them all - and I will succeed.

Health and Wellness
1. Meet the experts. I've met a couple of them and what they shared were both good and bad news. And be brave what they have to say about my concerns. And ask questions because this is my well-being.

2. Decide big. There seems one, most viable option but I am still scared about it, but I have to decide to do it on or before 2010 ends. I'll ask for more expert advice.

3. Get slim. Last June I weighed 128 lbs. When I tried again the weighing scale August 1, I was already 130 lbs. The following week - I'm already 132 lbs.! Hmm, there's a discrepancy there. In any case, I want to be slim again. Many thought I'd not put any weight but yes, I'm human, and I'm gaining weight.

4. Run and dance, dance and run. Aligned with No. 3, yes, I'll go back to jogging - this time, consistently. And by Tuesday, I'll start with hip hop abs upon a dear friend's invitation. Go, go, go!!!

Self
5. Pamper myself - often. I'm working hard and I deserve some pampering. So the scheduled trip to the salon, and add spa and manicure and pedicure. Consider also a trip to the dermatologist (because those pimples are having a good time congregating at the right corner of my nose, hmph).

6. Dress up. Literally, wear a dress. The compliments I got when I wore a dress (below) for a very special occasion was fuel for me to be dressy once in a while. But sorry, I'm still your jeans-kind-of-a-girl.



Writing
6. Write, write, write. I still write for my full-time job, but it's totally different from the kind of writing (and editing) I've been doing for years. That's why whenever there's an opportunity to be more creative in this area, I don't think twice about it and do it. And that's why also I'll be more religious in updating my blogs.

Passion
7. Back to the classics.  I miss the times writing about the arts and culture that's why, among with two buddies, we'll catch the opening salvo of the Philippine Philharmonic Orchestra this September 10. I also like to read more classics, from Shakespeare (I don't think I've ever read a whole work of him??? Shameful indeed) to more notable, critical works.

8. Be musical. Yes, there's this eureka moment (by a former work buddy) that we try learn a musical instrument. I've been looking around to check the prices for this, as well as available classes we could start taking. I just hope I'll be flexible enough to pull this off, as this is one area I've never done yet (well, singing, but I'm not that good a singer, ehem, ehem).

Money
9. Save to spend big. Yes, you read that right. Either it's a week-long travel out of the country as a birthday present to myself or have that as a seed money for a long-term investment. Good thing this area is doing well, and I intend to make more money to fulfill my other long-term money goals.

Love
10. Keep the faith. And continue to love. It's not ideal at the moment. But we're trying. I always pray that we'll be stronger, tougher, and more transparent about the situation.

There goes my Top 10 to do before 2010 ends. What about yours?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

DESCOVRIR IS BACK!

It's been two months and two days since my last post, and a lot had happened already:

We now have a new President, now on his 46th day in the office;

I will be on my second month this August 18 in my seventh full-time job as Deal Specialist for one of the top 20 companies in the Fortune 500 list, and so far, I'm doing fine per my one-on-one meeting with my manager last July;

On my social life, I got to see my lifetime friends on random, special occasions, like when Leah got married to Erwin last July 17;




When G and Harold and their three, beautiful kids prepared a despedida lunch last August 1:



Got to be with my former officemates over dinner and movie dates: 

With the MS mag ladies on July 9, 2010


 

With Thet and Doreen over movie date and huge dinner, July 24, 2010


Through my new job and as a form of team bonding, I discovered a have a "future" in bowling. From my first game that I got 41, last Thursday, August 12 for my second game, I striked and finished my game with 73 points. Not bad, eh?



I also began attending to my health concerns - I won't still be seeing a doctor had not for my pre-employment requirements (I was supposed to start June 16 but I had to secure medical clearance so I started to work June 18). For the past two months, my weekends were spent mostly on consultation, ultrasound, biopsy, etc. On to seek second opinion for these health concerns.

On love life, it's under major construction. It's been two months and three days since we started communicating again after more than a month that he just withdrew from everything we were trying to build. I'm not losing hope, the situation is frustrating - especially if you don't know what situation you're into - but life is short, I want to find out for myself if this is still worth it ....

Hopefully, I get to blog more in the coming days - so much to blog (and not all about love life and its complications). So, I'll be back.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

DESCOVRIR'S PICK: THE KARATE KID




It was a positive movie.

And the laugh trip it was among moviegoers earlier.

And I felt good after watching it.

The Karate Kid (1984, 1986, 1989) is the movie of my youth, along with the songs that became popular with it like "The Moment of Truth," "You're the Best," and Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love." It's a movie you kept watching over and over for the feel good effect, that's why I looked forward to that same element, and the 2010 remake didn't disappoint.

The film, starring Jaden Smith (Ralph Macchio before) and Jackie Chan (Pat Morita then), borrowed from the Karate Kid I, considering the plot (Smith being bullied at school and found a mentor in Chan); the scenes (Chan trying to catch a fly with his chopsticks), the unconventional ways Chan teaches Smith (jacket on, jacket off, put it up, put it down - with an attitude).

From the Karate Kid II, the setting was Asian - when it was in Okinawa, Japan before for its setting (when Morita's character had to return to his hometown because of his ailing father and to face his old enemy), this remake makes China for the location.

Also, it has explored more the underdog and minority themes - with Smith being a black kid in a foreign, and hostile "home" (considering how he was bullied). And the subliminal plot of how China enforces how a power they could be - like how they raise kids to be "perfect" (Mei Ying, the girl Smith has a crush on, was pressured to be very good in violin), the bully kid, Cheng, was taught to show no pain, no mercy. But it was also funny to see how Mei Ying succumbed to the Lady Gaga fever, dancing better than Smith.

Also, I find this more "Asian" than the Karate Kid' franchise - it was set in China; the kung fu or the martial arts theme of this film was more alive (the scene where Smith entered a kung fu school and children being taught such discipline at a very young age, it was captivating).

Although, I looked forward to more scenes of Chan and Smith, like how Macchio was taught by Morita technique by technique (wax on, wax off, hand up, hand down, left hand small wooden plank, right hand big wooden plank, etc.) - here in this remake, it was a fast montage, only a music accompanying the scenes where Chan was teaching Smith, could have been more convincing if such have had dialogue in them, and the serene backdrop, were just that, backdrop.

I cried when after Chan smashed the car, Smith pulled him out of it with the bamboo sticks being pulled by them, Smith leading the way for Chan. Every movement was captured through their shadows and such was impressive.

Unexpectedly, it was Smith who delivered the most laughs. From the first time he met Cheng (where he stood up despite teary-eyed), to mimicking Chan to put up the jacket with a flick of the hands and an "attitude," to how the playback during tournament, when he was captured with such fighitng stance - and face with an attitude; and how he tries his hardest to do the cobra style, and was able to use it and won. Chan also had his funny moments (like how he panted after he tame the bully kids).

I found it disconcerting though that for the 12-year-old lead, only to reach puberty, he kissed Mei Ying, and toward the end of the film, he went to her house and told the father, in Chinese, he'd be the best friend his daughter would ever have - so, tween romance or what? I didn't like it also Chan sporting a funny walk, maybe to emphasize he is old - even Morita who was way older than Chan was walking straight.

The original's ending was lacking - Macchio walked away with the trophy and that was it. This remake, I found it more satisfying (see for yourself).

But like I wrote, it didn't disappoint. The soundtrack was nicely collated also - and I got a surprise when I was singing along the closing song, "Never Say Never," only to find in the credits that it was Justin Bieber singing!

I don't like Bieber himself, but for this song, I have to admit, it kicked up my optimism a notch higher. As the movie delivered, when life puts you down, there's no way to go but up, and yes, never say never.

And now, Justin Bieber is playing on my head ....

Saturday, June 12, 2010

OPERATION 1 TRUE LOVE: DAY 9

As predicted - and prayed - I was busy since Tuesday - gave me less time to dwell about the situation of my heart ....

After emailing the LBC customer service, a quick reply I got last Tuesday, June 8:

Good day!

This is to acknowledge receipt of your mail.

Please see below status of shipment for your reference.

Tracking Number 20100053254
Product XK
Name of Shipper CORPUZ LYNDA
Name of Consignee LOCKWOOD ROBIN O.C.
Consignee Address _ _ _ NORTH CAIRNS QUEENSLAND AUSTRALIA AUSTRALIA INTERNATIONAL
Shipment Status DELIVERED & RECEIVED
Date Received 6/7/2010 4:37 pm
Received By Signed for by: ELA
Remarks This was received at destination.


Thank you.

Respectfully yours,

Pam L. Lavilla
Customer Care Associate
LBC Express, Inc.
General Aviation Center, Domestic Airport Compound
Domestic Road, Pasay City 1300, Philippines

= = = = =

I thank Pam for that reply and LBC for having the package delivered in just three days. But a worry wart that I am, I didn't receive any acknowledgement from the recipient about this - and I thought he could have thrown it right away ....

Tuesday also, after meeting with the recruitment specialist and accomplishing tasks for my pre-employment requirements, I made myself tired at St. Francis Square and parting with a few hundred pesos buying  four plain tops, and a dinner with a friend - who after, saying what she thought about last seeing the reason for this operation, went on to say that personally, she would prefer me not to spend my savings to a trip that has no guarantees - but she said, "indulge in the pain" and see for myself how this pursuit could be worthless at all .... I went home with her words playing in my thoughts and such tearfully put me to sleep.

= = = = =
Kept coming back to the work location to accomplish pre-employment requirements - and I had to do what I've been delaying out of fear - the attending physician advised me to undergo thyroid blood tests; which I had to do the next day, Thursday - there went a cubic milimeter or more of my blood and my PHP2,000 (well, that's for my health).

The dreaded part - the results, which I have to give to an endocrinologist before I start working Wednesday. Will call later the clinic for the thyroid blood test results - and nervously anticipate for the results of the medical and physical exams I had to go through for this new job ....

= = = = =
Thursday also I received another 1-liner e-mail:

"Thank you for the b-day gift, should be a good read."

That was the reply to my mile-long letter and of course, he was acknowledging receipt of the book, not the letter .... Another tearful night for me, as I SMS him early morning of his birthday, June 11, (when I knew he was at work already), and no reply then. I cried really hard until I fell asleep ....

Later during Friday afternoon, I got to see him online, greeted him, and I thought he signed out and so I left a message saying I was just trying to greet him on his birthday and I was sorry if I ruined his day for being too chatty.

I saw him again online, but I was working, and so before I packed to run to the work place to submit pre-employment requirements, I said again "Happy 44th birthday, good bye."

He was quick to reply, "bye."

And again my fast fingers wrote, "You're quick to reply when I said 'bye' but not when I say something else?" Kidding (with a smiley face)

He fastly replied with the animated emoticon of a hysterically laughing hamster for "ha ha."

I found my opportunity to talk more (after being silent for two weeks)  and said that no matter what happens I will always love him, among other words, which I pretty much relayed to him in my letter ....

He kept saying "move on. prosper. please find someone nice. have kids. be happy."

I said to him I had foregone the desire to have kids in exchange for a lifetime opportunity to be with him and what is it so difficult about believing and understanding that I can love him for real?

And made it clear to him I'm hurting for what he did - for being non-communicative then dumping his fiancee without a "clear" reason, but despite such hurt, I am remaining hopeful here for that chance to start all over again with him ....

And I stressed to him I'm not giving up on such because it would only prove I haven't loved at all .... then I had to sign out to run to submit my requirements ....

When I came home, I saw his offline messages, "see ya, have fun, be happy!"

See ya? Really after 58 days of no show "see ya?"

I want to be perky about this "development" - that the other line is somewhat talking.

But I'm also on guard for what things are in store for me, for him, for US, in the coming days ....

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

OPERATION 1 TRUE LOVE: DAY 5

Pity yourself because no one will pity you.

MRT sucks, work, an upset stomach the whole day, MRT still sucks going home, grocery shopping, a very heavy backpack, and a very heavy heart and teary eyes - that's how I marked my Monday.

I signed in as usual, hoping I would get a glimpse of him online. But until we were forced to evict by our boss who was to catch a flight, I didn't see him.

Hanged out for a while with my colleague at Powerbooks and Seattle's Best Coffee, while I listed my items for grocery shopping. Despite the crowd there, my colleague noticed I was staring at nothing - probably at the wall decor, probably randomly staring at some of people having coffee and WiFi there at SBC.

Hopping from one lane to another until I got myself a seat from the MRT Taft station, I was tired carrying the backpack with the laptop and other stuff, and tears, along with sweat, slowly fell.

I was pitying myself for being weak that I couldn't squeeze myself in during the morning MRT ride (it took me the fourth train until I cramped myself in);

I was pitying myself for being a loser that I took a round trip to get a decent seat, only to find that the train won' take any passengers from the last station;

I was pitying myself for having weak shoulders and arms that I felt the backpack was the whole world burdening me;

I was pitying myself I had to ask the assistance of a bagger from SM Hypermarket in MRT Quezon Ave. to help me carry four bags of grocery; I sincerely smiled though when fellow FX taxi passengers helped me opened the door and assisted me with my grocery bags when I had to get off and ride a tricycle to home;

I'm still pitying myself for not enjoying any dinner (living on yogurt now) because my tummy has been upset the whole day;

I'm pitying myself for being here, not doing anything concrete to win my man back.

I keep checking though my very long letter and book are on their way but the LBC Web site is not updated.

Later, I'm going to sign my employment contract and tying myself to the corporate world for a 7-month stint. Many asks why would I get myself tied to a corporate job when I have all the freedom being a journalist for years? This warrants another blog entry, I believe.

Four days to go, for days of my heart skipping, of my thoughts wandering, of controlling my tear glands, if I would be hearing or not from him ....

I maybe obsessed, but I vowed to myself that no matter what happens, I will fight until the end for my one true love.

That's why I may pity myself on occasions, but I MUST have the warrior attitude to carry on the fight.

Later: meetings, and squeezing in calls to check where the deal breaker or maker that is the gift is located now ....

Sunday, June 06, 2010

DESCOVRIR'S PICK: SEX AND THE CITY 2



The interactive trailer


I was supposed to go to the supermarket.

But I thought what the heck, it's Saturday, and I deserved some time off - not to mention - "girl power," so even if it was to start at 6:30PM, I watched Sex and the City 2.

I didn't expect anything great in this movie. Earlier reviews say it's dragging and running on thin plot. For me, I watched it to feast my eyes on those gorgeous dresses, skirts, scarves, shoes, jewelry - stuff I'm not exactly into, especially if they're priced (with some hard-to-pronounce names) as Brian Atwood, Manolo Blahnik, Roberto Cavalli, Christian Dior, Halston, Christian Louboutin, Yves Saint Laurent, etc.

I didn't follow the series but I get to watch it once in a while. The appeal of the movie and the whole franchise is that every lady gets to identify with the four leads - Carrie Bradshaw Preston (Sarah Jessica Parker); Samantha (Kim Cattrall); Charlotte (Kristin Davis), and Miranda (Cynthia Nixon).

For me, I'm a little Samantha in the sense that I get to do things that defy the odds and reject the conventions (her flashing a pack of condoms, in her short shorts and red, sexy top in front of Arab men was a strong statement and a taboo to that country - for which critics find offensive to the Muslim community and the Islam religion - I haven't done anything like that so far);

I'm a little Charlotte that in general, I'm prude and goody-two-shoes, and at times, I thrive at the comfort of home and family (except I'm not married to a Jew and I don't have two little girls that freak me out on occasions and I would probably ask Carrie to stay in her apartment for two days for my time off);

I'm a little Miranda in the sense that many times in my career I got to rock the boat of patriarchal norm in the corporate world, for which some found me to be threatening (and instead of "sshh-ing" back and flashing the "talk-to-the-hand" sign, I instead gave the last big, cheating boss I had with stilletoe stares and said out loud how he left the elevator stink with his cigarette smoke and bodily odor, ha)

Overall, I guess, I'm more of Carrie - I write for a living (her latest book about marriage was given a negative review by the esteemed The New Yorker, which I also read from time to time - and no, I haven't written a book yet, perhaps I should consider now, something about getting dumped and winning my man back).

Unlike Carrie who had been into relationships but only loves Mr. Big (Chris Noth), I have (I believe I still have) and will always have my one-and-only Mr. Big.

Watching Noth play Mr. Big only reminded me of my own Mr. Big.

For some reason, I find them to look a bit like the same (except my own Mr. Big looks more like John Cusack);

how they suavely talk and teasingly look at you;

how, during their on-and-off relationship, he displayed his being commitment phobic but in the end ran after Carrie and married her (well he's running away for close to two months now ...);

how he asked for the weekly, two days off for some of his alone time and so for Carrie and how she realized she's hurting with it when Charlotte asked about it (yes, my own Mr. Big has his own time off with video games);

how he prefers the couch and the TV as bonding time with Carrie (although I'm not as outgoing as Carrie);

I have no ex-boyfriend Aidan that I'd kiss in a moment of passion but my own Mr. Big is still distancing himself from me; but yes, like Carrie, I keep no secrets from him, that's how I believe relationships must be;

they, I believe, decided to have a marriage without children - my own Mr. Big wanted to have little Sebastian and Tristram before; but for what he said a poisonous society he got exposed to with his current work, he decided not to have any children anymore. For someone as fond with kids, I accepted that and willing to have a married life without children - so long as I'm with my Mr. Big;

Mr. Big made himself unavailable to Carrie after her confession about Aidan; he didn't pick up Carrie from the airport; but he came home and gave her a ring with black diamond and asked Carrie to repeat after him - for Carrie not to kiss any man other than her husband, and to stop worrying that they'd be a boring, old, married couple because they will never be - I will abide by that vow.

No posh New York apartment; no black diamond; my Mr. Big not as rich as the Mr. Big in the movie - but I will love any couch and any TV in the world - and watching old, black and white movies - as long as I'm with my Mr. Big.

That was the thought that filled me until the credits rolled.

It was not about the movie or seeing the now evidently wrinkling yet still fashionable ladies, but it was about finding solace and temporary comfort in seeing parts of myself through Sex and the City 2. Yes, movies are a form of escapism.

And yes, saved by the funny and witty lines mostly from Samantha, Miranda, and on occasions Charlotte ("I don't know ..." [with matching wide-eyed awe]) Liza Minneli's Beyonce's number, and the suave and classically handsome Mr. Big, the movie was too long for more than two hours. 

That instead of bringing home food to stock for a couple of days, I missed grocery-shopping (I stepped out the movie house almost 9PM), I bought home Jollibee spaghetti and palabok instead.

I blame Sex and the City 2 for that, ha.

OPERATION 1 TRUE LOVE: DAY 4

"Hi" is not the word.

After two weeks to be exact when he sent that crushing e-mail, we almost both signed in at the same time earlier tonight, him just a few seconds behind.

My fingers were quick than my pride, I dropped a "hi," officially breaking my silence that I maintained for 14 days.

He was quick to reply, "hi."

Encouraged, I dropped "hello."

Three minutes after, no reply. Wanting to start a conversation, I dropped that if he knows the movie Karate Kid and further detailed I was watching it  - for the nth time - but earlier, it was dubbed in Filipino that made it funny.

No reply, his status was "away" and until perhaps an hour, he signed off already.

Failed.

I should have kept quiet. And the curt "hi" was just that, a curt "hi."

He probably came from a Saturday night out, had drinks, having a headache like he always do after a couple of drinks lately in his 43 years, and chose to sleep than chat to, for him, his already "ex-fiancee" - dumped by him.

I better shut up. And wait if something better than "hi" will be said in the coming days.

Or not, or none at all ....

Saturday, June 05, 2010

OPERATION 1 TRUE LOVE: DAY 3

After work and battling my way through the MRT crowd, I found myself at the LBC branch in MRT-Ayala and lodged the huge birthday card, sorry card, and the book to send to my 1-true-love.

Please, LBC, don't let me down.

Unexpectedly, thoughts/discussions about Australia kept cropping the whole day.

My boss, for instance, who just came from Australia and New Zealand, I forgot that for some reason, he was discussing that if the Land Down Under before was the choiced country to migrate, now it's not because of the high-cost of living - when you live in Sydney, you should be earning at least AUD5000-AUD6000 a month (?) to make it there.

He also said his friend who's been living in Australia for quite a time now has not made any friends there, even citing that Aussies are not as accommodating, as friendly as they're thought to be.

Then, on our way home, as always, I wore my backpack in front of me, which he remarked I looked like I have a kangaroo pouch.

He also asked me if I'm OK, my two colleagues just exchanged looks, and I told my boss "I prefer to work, Sir."

I thought that was the end of it, until we had to go down to meet the ad associates, and he asked me again if I'm really OK. I assured him, "Sir, I'm functioning." Then, he pressed, "are you sure?" And I asked him what does he know? He said, "your Skype status says it all (I'm not giving up. No. Never.)

I evasively replied and said, OK I'll change my status. He just said, the more I say those words and similar words like those to myself, the more I'd get hurt .... For a non-Filipino, he's tsismoso, haha. I just smiled and said, "Sir, we're running late for the meeting." Well, I don't blame him for being curious and concerned, because he was a big part of making possible my last get together with my 1-true-love. And also in a rush, I asked his permission for me to go to Australia and he granted.

So, for Day 4, come up with a bucket list to busy myself until the dreaded date of June 11.

And change my Skype status (or else, my boss would ask again, haha).

And please, LBC, don't let me down, please. Hope you make it there not later than June 11.

Once you delivered and he got it, that's another dreading story for his reaction - or non-reaction ....

Friday, June 04, 2010

OPERATION 1 TRUE LOVE: DAY 2

As planned, I already prepared the package to send a thousand miles from here, to give to my 1-true-love.


The huge birthday card


A very long letter (sorry I have to say what I feel and need to say)




The birthday gift - Helmet for my Pillow by Robert Leckie, one of the books where HBO's mini-series The Pacific was based


My dedication


Sorry card




I hope these get delivered in time for his birthday. These are not enough to patch things up, but I am hoping, praying, wishing, these will start things to be cleared.

Day 3: Have these couriered


Thursday, June 03, 2010

OPERATION 1 TRUE LOVE: DAY 1

All right, since I had to work today, I wasn't able to do anything about asking for letter of invite.

But I say Day 1 is fruitful - I didn't expect I'd be getting that much from my last pay. With the current airline rate, I think I have enough for the air fare.

But, I still have to save for my food and accommodation there.

And more importantly, still, I got no letter of invite. But at least I have the seed money so, more income, a letter, and I'm set.

Day 2: prepare the package to send - and write with all my heart.

More later.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

COUNTDOWN

It's June already - middle of 2010, a dreading, tear-filled month for me for sure.

Middle of the month I'll be starting to work full-time again, along with my other commitments that most of them I had for years. I'm just thankful I got these "distractions" of opportunities.

By next week, I am reminded of an occasion that last year I had an honor to spend with the celebrator - the hours of shredding the chicken; cutting Baguio beans; cutting carrots Julienne style to the actual cooking of vermicelli for that dear one's birthday was mortifying, but all sweat was worth it when it was consumed in a flash with French champagne to gulp it down. I'll be missing this opportunity to do this now, when I'm intending to experiment on Pad Thai ....

49 days now since I last saw my happiness;

37 days since the non-communication started over a technical issue that I'm not responsible of. I spent these 37 waking days crying, thinking what have I done; attempting to contact via SMS, e-mails, offline messages, but I was waiting in vain; 37 days of late nights spent on crying until tiredness lulled me to sleep;

11 days since I received that bomb of an e-mail telling me it's over - just like that: the 49 days since I last saw my happiness left me here in a more hopeful mode that 2010 will be our year; the 37 days that passed left me here questioning myself over something I had no idea of; of suspecting something's going on down there;

A day after that bomb I woke up with a throbbing headache and eyes very evident that they cried the whole night. I asked for a letter to process my going there to sort things out but no reply came. The more I cried. But I already requested permission from the boss for me to fly to Australia. I printed the forms already. Had my passport-sized photo taken for the visa application. Everything is sorted out except for that letter of invite.

Day 3 after that bomb, I met with a friend who has been comforting me since. To her I owe her my sanity. She said I should keep quiet for now, not make any contact, for the other party to think things over, to which I'm following strictly.

Day 6, the bomb sender suddenly came back online  after 37 days of absense, 37 days I'm wishing the presence was there. Either busy or away, that's always the online status. I'm tempted to drop a line but I am restraining myself. I'm spending the past days gathering strength, rationalizing things, making myself calmer, but not sure until when I can take it all.

If before I was hoping for that person to contact, now with that online presence, I am dreading what that person would ever say should that person decides to talk. My heart remains with love only for that person - and despite all this - I still love and will always love that person - but fear resides in me now. I don't know how much strength I have to absorb the truth.

But this blog post will be the start of my countdown to even things out. I'm no quitter. I believe in one true love and I believe I found that one true love in that person and that I will fight for it no matter what.

OPERATION 1 TRUE LOVE HAS NOW COMMENCED.

Day 1: attempt contact to other networks, see if they can help me with that letter which is a must.

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

DESCOVRIR'S PICK: LASIK

Lately, my vision - literally and figuratively - has been confounded with so many things.

But I have to attend to pressing matters before the "second best" pressing matters - by Thursday, I should go see my opthalmologist and have my eyes checked for new glasses and fresh boxes of contact lenses.

I look forward to the time I won't be wearing and getting irritated by contact lenses or looking nerdy with my eyeglasses. Lasik (laser-assisted in situ keratomileusis) or the laser eye surgery that helps shaped the cornea in case of severe myopia, is indeed, a very possible option for me. And I found this site, USAEyes of the non-profit LASIK patent advocacy organization, the Council for Refractive Surgery Quality Assurance, very informative.

USAEyes has been helping patients for over a decade to know more about LASIK and its benefits. It's Web site (Health On the Net code compliant), USAEyes.org, packed information also about why Lasik may not be right for you, and shares vision correction surgery alternatives like PRK, LASEK, Epi-Lasik, RLE, and PIOL.

USAEyes also evaluates the Lasik results of individual doctors and certifies if they meet their exacting standards. It's also noteworthy to highlight that a US Congressional subcommittee cited USAEyes as a reliable source of Lasik information. Representatives of USAEyes have also testified before the FDA about Lasik patient advocacy.

USAEyes' CORE Patient Survey, meanwhile, reports real-world results as reported by Lasik patients. Patients use the USAEyes' Ask a Lasik Expert forum to ask and receive researched answers to their questions both before surgery and after.

USAEyes' 50 Tough Questions for Your Lasik Doctor can help anyone avoid a bad Lasik doctor, which information I find very useful.

USAEyes also received stellar recommendations from Newsweek, US News & World Report, CBS News, National Public Radio, NBC Nightly News, Wall Street Journal, Forbes, Fox News, Associated Press, MSNBC, and Oprah - such adds a boost to their credentials.

= = = = =
With this wealth of information regarding Lasik, going to see a Lasik doctor for initial consultation would be a breeze for me, and thus, prepare me in the future to receive a clearer gift of sight.

Friday, May 28, 2010

SUICIDAL


On my way home - this sight greeted me - a man was on top of these huge billboards along EDSA cor. Q. Ave (here, he was sandwiched between the two billboards).

Bystanders, FX, and jeepney drivers there at the MRT Q. Ave.- ETON Centris mall said he was up there since 4:30pm. Just now over GMA's SAKSI, the man was finally convinced to go down after four hours of up there. He was drunk apparently because his brother was killed few days ago and not even QC Mayor-elect Bistek Bautista, the rappeling firefighters, were able to convince him until the wife arrived and rode up the crane to retrieve his husband.

That was indeed a worrisome sight. I just found myself praying that the man would just go down and talk over his problem/s. And I also uttered a prayer, thanking the Lord that I'm remaining sturdy amidst this challenge his posing to me, and so far, not doing anything as suicidal as this man did.

I started my morning with the new American Idol Lee Dewyze singing his winning piece, Beautiful Day. Later in the afternoon, I came from a fruitful meeting and I'm seriously considering already to take on this opportunity although I drastically planned (and still thinking to pursue it) to do something just to find out the truth.

I am thankful to a dear friend who used her connections to see if we could tweak something for my plan, but the law is the law. I still have other options and I have to see which one will work. What I am sure of is that I will find my way back soonest, and resolve the pressing matter I have now, but I'm thankful for this distraction of opportunity - I will use this as a weapon to arm myself for the coming days ahead.

As for the man who climbed the 20 feet high billboards, I hope he won't do it again for the sake of his family (and face again the wrath of angry traffic-goers).