Friday, May 28, 2010

SUICIDAL


On my way home - this sight greeted me - a man was on top of these huge billboards along EDSA cor. Q. Ave (here, he was sandwiched between the two billboards).

Bystanders, FX, and jeepney drivers there at the MRT Q. Ave.- ETON Centris mall said he was up there since 4:30pm. Just now over GMA's SAKSI, the man was finally convinced to go down after four hours of up there. He was drunk apparently because his brother was killed few days ago and not even QC Mayor-elect Bistek Bautista, the rappeling firefighters, were able to convince him until the wife arrived and rode up the crane to retrieve his husband.

That was indeed a worrisome sight. I just found myself praying that the man would just go down and talk over his problem/s. And I also uttered a prayer, thanking the Lord that I'm remaining sturdy amidst this challenge his posing to me, and so far, not doing anything as suicidal as this man did.

I started my morning with the new American Idol Lee Dewyze singing his winning piece, Beautiful Day. Later in the afternoon, I came from a fruitful meeting and I'm seriously considering already to take on this opportunity although I drastically planned (and still thinking to pursue it) to do something just to find out the truth.

I am thankful to a dear friend who used her connections to see if we could tweak something for my plan, but the law is the law. I still have other options and I have to see which one will work. What I am sure of is that I will find my way back soonest, and resolve the pressing matter I have now, but I'm thankful for this distraction of opportunity - I will use this as a weapon to arm myself for the coming days ahead.

As for the man who climbed the 20 feet high billboards, I hope he won't do it again for the sake of his family (and face again the wrath of angry traffic-goers).

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

(UPDATED) DESCOVRIR'S PICK: GOOGLE CACHED

Indeed, a Google browse led me to this - when only last night my heart was smashed further into pieces when I found out that this was gone. Now I have something to keep for the meantime - a reminder that once someone blogged about to the whole wide world how our love blossomed into what I believed was I believe is one true love. And with this, I will continue to believe, to fight, for my love.

SAVED


(All 2007 posts)
24 November
Home
The owner sold his vessel and I've had to move on, shame but I was warned that he'd be wanting to do that since day one. Wise move, it's the only vessel of that callibre in the region and there were many people interested in it from Malaysian Sultans to business people from Japan. The owner got a really good deal on the vessel and is selling it at retail, he'll make a couple of million on the deal. Now that's a business man and that's why i only drive these sorts of vessels. I didn't come directly to Melbourne from Singapore, i came via the Philipines where Lynda lives and spent some time with her there for a week or so. Got to meet a few of her friends at a halloween party and they prooved to be quite fun and were in party mode at the time. Always a good time to meet new people, when they have a few drinks in them and they're relaxed! So... back in Melbourne to where i started from last year, love this city. If it wasn't for the weather and lack of decent paying jobs i'd live here permantely. I'm staying at the usual place in East Malvern with Bill and Carol also thier new addition to the family, "Bella" a cute little Shitzu puppy.

Next year will be study year for me, back to maritime college to upgrade my tickets and get onto the next phase of my life and that's to upgrade the types of vessels i drive and also the salaries that i can make. I'll also have a challenge ahead to get Lyndas visa for Australia and this will be a real test of love.

2:12 PM
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16 September
My Mahal (love)
Eat your hearts out guys, she's mine! I asked Lynda to marry me last night and she eccepted, making me the happiest i've been in a very long time. This lady of mine is certainly the pick of the bunch and even just to look at her you can see why. Now Lynda and i will be planing to spend the rest of our lives together, first though is the engagement and also i will need to ask her mothers permission. I do hope that she'll like me and agree to our getting married. So much now to plan, the wedding itself. Perhaps two ceremonies, one in Manila for her family and another in Melbourne with mine. Then there's the honeymoon and also where we'll be living. I am presently living in Singapore still and could probably live here indefinately if i wanted to. I'm not sure that there would be much on offer in the Phillipines but of course this all has to be dicussed with my mahal and the place that we end up in will by dictated by covenience and the best salary. I love this woman so much and words cannot describe the feelings that i have for her!

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04 September
Manila
Well now, I've finally met my Mahal in Manila. I flew in on Saturday morning on the 1st of Sep and got back to Singapore yesterday morning. What a woman! She's everything that i've been looking for all these years, she's smart, attractive in a cute way, petite and she also likes me! Our conversations are intelligent and her wit keeps me on my toes, she has gotten to know my sense of humour of which is difficult for most people to understand but now i think she appreciates and is amused by it a lot of the time. Her own humour makes me laugh out loud and keeps me smiling for quite a while afterwards. We were both a little nervous about our first meeting because it was our first face to face meeting even though we've been talking with each other using web-cam every night since we met each other, but it's still not the same as seeing each other in real life. I certainly wasn't dissapointed and recognised her walking towards the front doors of the Intercontinental hotel where i was staying and were to meet in the lobby. If she was dissapointed then she didn't give any indication as she walked right up to me and gave me a kiss on the lips in a very natural way, she then introduced me to her friend Lyne of whom is a good friend of hers and was acting as a chaperone. We had lunch together in a restaurant (Jimney) that's located of the foyer of the Intercontinental where i dined on my first Phillipino dish, chicken and pork adobo, and it was lovely. Conversation was easy and natural and i was thinking a lot of the time how i'd like to be closer to her, holding her hand or stroking the nape of her neck. What a cute petite lady she was, with her low unasuming voice but at the same time an air of cofidence. I fell more in love with this lady just over that lunch time. We spent the rest of the day and evening with her friend before they left to stay at Lynes place and was quite happy to hear (sorry Lyne) that Lyne wouldn't be able to make it the next day as she'd be too busy. So, i got to spend the whole day with Lynda! Just the two of us doing what we liked and i saying what i liked without getting overheard by our friend and chaperone. I was accused of being too "mushy" that day, but i didn't point out that Lynda was also being the same. The only really disappointing thing is for Lynda's desire to study in the States in order to do a grad dip for her masters there. That's a long time to wait for someone! And i'll definately be here in Asia or Oz for my work. These long distance relationships sure are frustrating!! And having done them for most of my life, I'm really not sure that i want to dive into another one! We'll see and anyway Lynda has said that nothing's really final at this time and that she may change her plans. Anyway we are both living for now and are "going with the flow" so we'll just have to see.

5:58 PM
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31 August
Singapore
How on Earth did this happen? I'm now living in Singapore! Actually i know exactely how it happened... It's a chain of events that started after my break up with Sakiko, Sakiko is my ex-wife, mother of our daughter Chloe. Sakiko and i also had another daughter Mia but died of SIDS not long after she was born. This is where Saki and my life turned for the worse, spiraling out of control till our divorce in 2001. I may talk more of this later in another section of my blog, however it is painful to talk about.

Singapore! I worked with a gentleman by the name of Ian Harbour in Melbourne at a company called River One, It was owned by Gavin Muir who had the distibution rights of TEAK Australia. Ian is a ship wright by trade and i was the full time captain of the various vessels that the charter company had, namely two ex customs vessels that were completely gutted then refitted mainly from Ians expertise. I was living in Taiwan last year with a lady that drove me close to insanity and i knew that i needed to get out, Ian and i remained close friends long after leaving River One and i told him that i was going back to Oz to work there on cargo vessels. He told me of an Azimut 116 that was being bought by a Singaporean businessman and that i should give him my resume and apply for the position as captain. I didn't really think i'd get it but "what the hell"? I recieved a phone call from Major Tan, Arthur Tays right hand man in the dealings of the vessel, saying that i should come to have an interview with Arthur Tay. Well the rest is history, i've been working for the "boss" now since January. And it's all because of my "hippy" friend Ian.

7:12 PM
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A start
This is my first attempt at writing in my blog, I'm not a very good writer like my girlfriend Lynda of whom is a writer by trade but I'll give it a go. I think the Blog is an interesting concept that has quite a few functions, I'm thinking though that the most important function is one of a journal. When i first heard of a blog which was way back in 2000, one of my girlfriends then Diane from the states told me of her ex boyfriend that had this on-line journal for all to see. I thought at the time that he must have an ego the size of Texas! Over time however i discovered that more and more people were doing it and what a good idea it seems now! When i have some down time from now on i'll attempt to write about my life a little in this so called blog. Terrible name for it though (blog), sounds like something that i do in the tiolet bowl every morning!

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Computers and Internet

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

ROUGH TIMES

I dropped my engagement ring - blame it for my tiredness, listlessness or was it a sign to watch out for? Or dread about?

Which reminded me that I also dropped it the first night I had it - and the clink sound I heard as it hit the cement floor - and how I profusely apologized to Robin for my clumsiness, to which he said was OK and if I remember, he said "it's diamond. It should be fine."

And earlier was the same. Nervousness hit me and imagining how Robin would react seeing the engagement ring he gave me being dropped like that - again.

Perspiration attack, I fumbled to look for it. I immediately searched the first shelf of my cabinet to see if it dropped on my stuff there - trinkets' box; hair accesories; earrings' pouch; socks, undies, belt, but found nothing.

I went on and haphazardly looked for it in the assortment of boxes but still nothing there on the second shelf. Then I tried to look for it at the lowermost shelf, quickly scanned my engagement ring among the bags piled there. I didn't find it.

Panic ensuing, I had to ask my brother to step out of the room so I could turn it upside down to look for my ring. I even turned on and off the light; used my pen light; swept under the tables, my suitcase, chairs; scrambled upon my bag of laundry and pulled out a couple of clothes just to see if my ring fell there. Nothing. No shiny, white gold band, princess cut diamond engagement ring.

My mother even offered to help as she urged me to have my dinner first and assured me that my ring was just in the room. But I ignored her while I was really tensed and keep repeating and repeating "please, please, show up. Show up." It was a plea not only to find my ring but also a plea to show up what I need to show up.

I went again to my cabinet, and this time, scanned carefully the three shelves. Still nothing. I slumped on the floor, feeling the huge drops of sweat on my shorts, trying my hardest not to cry and praying that my ring - the engagement ring, the material symbol that signified my union with the only man I will love in my lifetime - to please show up.

Collecting an ample amount of calmness and focus, I searched again my cabinet. And there, on the lowermost shelf, at the leftmost corner covered by the red sports bag I have, there was my ring. What a relief!

Using my pen light, I scanned it to see if the stone got chipped or the braces holding the stone still all right. It looked fine, still looks fine, and shone as the pen light was spotted on it. I safely put it back in its velvet box and I should bring it again to a trusted jewelry shop to see if the stone is still set tightly and to have it cleaned.

I'm relieved to have my engagement ring back. That 10 to 15 minutes I lost it felt too much. Sure, it's expensive, but beyond that, that ring is somehow my only proof, my only hope for now - that princess cut diamond sitting on top of a white gold band - that ring will see through wear and tear;  will lose its brilliance somehow; will be chipped in due time; but there's always the cleaning and resetting options to have it as new as ever.

If only life could be as tough as diamond - no matter how rough, it will be polished by expert hands and be treasured through time. And I'm staying tough, no matter how hard, in these rough times. I just have to patiently wait to bring back the brilliance that's missing now due to hurtful reason/s not entirely known to me ....

Thursday, May 13, 2010

HAIR'S (LIFE'S) A MESS



Yes, I can't hide it anymore - I'm depressed, bored, to a point I'm occasionally a ruthless bitch and always hot-headed. Probably the meds I'm taking are also contributing for the gloom and doom I'm feeling now. Not to mention my allergy hit me again. Every week and I'm sick.

Earlier this afternoon, and blame the really hot summer days we're having, I went to the salon for a hair cut. Normally I would say trim slightly and keep it layered to achieve a medium-length hair. But no, I said to the stylist, cut my hair the shortest possible, so with his pairs of scissors and combs, he decided what to do with my hair.


And off he cut it, until I noticed the thin, lengthy part that would be my hair style now. I had this before, when my hair was so long and most of it was chopped to a bob that I looked like an anime character with a long, thin, tail. This time, I think it's OK, except, I should said what I want - that is, my normal and safe layered hair style - than let the stylist decide for me. So, I'll shoulder the consequences of my action for the coming months.


Women said to cut their hair when they're feeling low. I don't believe in this crap but hell I think I did it. I was thinking of something else to do, like get hit by a truck so my family could claim my insurance ASAP. But I'm still a coward to do such a drastic thing like that. Well, who knows, one of these days, I'd just end up dead.

Not so being brag about it, many like my hair for it's straight, black, and most of the time, it looks great. And except for one time that our house help had this permed when I was 5 or 6, and my mother cut the permed, curly part, I never had my hair chemically treated - but my hair was at my mercy today. My hair was burdened with all the pangs and pains and frustrations and emotions ruling me for a month now. Not only my hair, but my physical and well-being is compromised now. But my hair, oh my hair took all the beating now.

Anyhow, I did it, I let someone decide how I would look like now and in the coming months. What happened this afternoon at the salon was only a reflection of how my life has been for a month now - that I'm not well because I'm not being treated well by someone I look forward to treat me well, to treat me right. That someone's absence is ruling my existence that I feel so contemplative if it's still worthy for me to exist or not. That when you entrust someone with your hair, or with your life for that matter, be prepared that either that someone would give you the most flattering hair cut you deserve or that someone could just make a mess out of your life. Either or both, you only got yourself to blame.


And I blame myself for what my hair looks like now. And I blame myself for the way I'm living my life now. If only shampoo and conditioner could make my life pretty now ....

Monday, May 10, 2010

Judgment Day

So, the naysayers were silenced now (or they still have something to say in the coming days).

The May 10, 2010 national and local elections generally went on peacefully, except for the glitches reported associated with the PCOS machine. While I'm blogging this, I'm listening to former COMELEC chairperson Christian Monsod and his wife, TV host and UP Economics professor Winnie analyze today's national happenings.

The COMELEC says there's 75% of voter turnout - but as the Monsods are saying over GMA 7's Eleksyon 2010 coverage, we haven't counted yet those who were disenfranchised (those who showed up to vote only to find out they were disqualified or their names are not in the list in the precincts they went to); the ballots that have been rejected by the PCOS machine (because the oval was not shaded properly [it's oval, not bilog na hugis itlog, please]; smudged ink, folded ballot, or ballot that got wet [mostly from sweat as voters really waited two hours or more just to vote]).

All we can hope for is to wait and see. And the following are the images I captured on this judgment day:

4:12pm. First stop: Cielito Zamora HS basketball court still filled with a huge number of either voters or poll watchers or volunteers


Filipinos seemingly always like to do things in a rush - these men are still looking for their names & precincts at past 4pm


Voters still in line to vote

Saturday, May 01, 2010

LAST

Friday, April 30 was my last day from my job - a step I thought would define my career if only for some people and the circumstances they created made it not what I thought it should be ... the matter is too complicated to discuss now that it's better to leave it as it is - for now. Suffice to say I'm glad I'm done with it (and speaking on behalf of others, I think they feel the same).

I thought it was my last day early Friday morning - all I remember I was so shaken from the impact. I was crying incontrollably and was only mentioning one name and one name only. When I pacified, I couldn't find myself - where to go or where to pick myself up. Several asked me that they'd call the person I was mentioning, but I silently refused. Eventually I found my way going home. Now, I'm under medications and woke up after almost 24 hours.

I'm wishing that incident just got me instead. Much as I try to be whole, but all I'm thinking about is if I really did something wrong that's why I'm getting this very cold treatment. And being alone - from the MRT ride to going to bed - it's really unbearable this time considering the circumstances. My heart is fighting but my body is giving up on me. I don't know until when I can hold on ....

I still had to show up to work yesterday to wrap things up, even if my aching body, my hurting ego, my sanity running thin refused to do anything. I'm glad I did. I indeed have a good laugh. Although it was spoiled toward the end of the day when something inhumane happened again, something very unforgivable ....

I'm up to another challenge by next week. It is a blessing indeed. I should be really looking forward to it but I can't really focus now when something's bothering me. And tonight, it seems like I'd be waiting in vain again ....

I'm glad others have a better weekend than what I'm having now - enjoy it while it lasts.