Wednesday, December 31, 2014


Accidentally knocked this down ... Image from Clinique website
As I was hurrying to leave on Sunday afternoon, I opened my cabinet and shoved a hanky back.

Closing the cabinet, I arranged the hem of a dress hanging there when it knocked down my perfume –almost half full bottle of it.

It’s an expensive bottle – well, expensive for me as I seldom buy perfume at such amount.

And it could still last until March next year, I said to myself.

Dismayed and cursing, instead of cleaning the broken pieces and wiping the tiled floor right away, I sat down at the edge of my bed – and a dark cloud hovered over my head.

Transfixed at the broken bottle of perfume and the scent enveloping my room, all the ill happenings this year and years ago flashed before my eyes – all challenges, frustrations, trials – all broke me piece by piece that there were times I felt I no longer exist.

But the scent wafting in my room was pleasing, inviting.

Holding my tears – whether it was because our tiled floor enjoyed my perfume instead of me wearing it or the ill happenings of this year and past pains me still, I did not know anymore.

After almost an hour, I swept the floor and made sure no tiny pieces of broken glass was left.

I turned the electric fan on and let the perfume dry.

And left the house in a gloomy state.

When I returned hours after, the scent was still there, pleasing, inviting, calming.

Two days after, my room still smells of the perfume.

It made me conclude that no matter how broken I am, there is still this pleasing, inviting, calming sense in me.

After all, I survived and still surviving all these challenges, frustrations, trials.

Thoughts of a better tomorrow is pleasing, inviting, and calming me in these times of difficulties.

Like that perfume still wafting in my room, there is still the hope of bright future enveloping me to continue, to move forward, no matter how broken I have become.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014


Slow moving .... My Breakfast at Tiffany's watch necklace from EGG [exciting gifts + goodies]

Two days before Christmas, and yet, eight more days before 2014 ends.

I wrote about how difficult this year is proving --- and until the very end, it is testing me.

I am trying to enjoy the week-long holiday break (because it is me on a New Year's week duty), but not working makes me more prone to thinking how this year have ran so far.

If only I can hurry time.

Erase 2014 from my history.

Make it as if it never happened.

If only ....

Must find the good in this. Must count my blessings.

Trying ....

*Photo by me, is mine, in case you see it elsewhere.

Wednesday, December 03, 2014

DESCOVRIR White Butterfly

Image from 
While sipping my coffee and having my purple yam and cheese swirl slice of bread, sitting on our front door, a tiny white butterfly was, seemingly, happily fluttering, flirting with our pots of flowers and oregano.

From afar, it look like dotted or streaked.

Many superstitions across the world are associated when seeing a white butterfly.

It could be about an upcoming good streak of luck or a reminder about a departed loved one.

The variations are a lot.

I am not a superstitious person, but as I was reminded of a blog post of Paulo Coelho, thus I like to believe that butterfly I saw this morning is a bearer of good fortune.

That it is a sign, that sooner, or soonest, I will find solution to all my worries.

Tuesday, December 02, 2014


MR. WORRY PERSONIFIED. Mr. Worry (character created by Roger Hargreaves) is always worrying about himself, and everyone else --- like me lately. But I worry more about the near- and long-term future. Image from
My Tuesday did not end very well.

I again stumbled --- about how this year is being a difficult one.

And I fell asleep worrying what the future would bring.

I am still in a precarious state --- and the situation will have a ripple effect on what I will not be able to provide.

I have always been a provider and a giver. Very rare I become a receiver.

The provider and giver role is very tiring, especially when you are at your rock bottom.

Every single time I am at my lowest, I always encounter this:

Matthew 6:25-34 (From the New American Standard Bible)

25 “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

However, I am not finding solace in these words.

And again, I do not understand why this is happening to me.

Perhaps, tomorrow, I might have a better disposition ....

Perhaps ....

Monday, December 01, 2014


This is not Christmas the Kitten (I felt I was invading the kitten's recovery if I snapped a picture of it), but the kitten almost looks like this. Photo from

While this is the last month of the year, this is a new month since I turned a year older weeks ago.

A month of fresh start. Looking forward to be consistent about this effort.

I am not happy. But I am content for now.

And I like to infuse doable "lifehacks" for my own well-being.

I started today.

Sunshine is good to start the day. So I finished my brekkie coffee while sitting outside our front door. It was rainy this morning but the morning glow with a touch of cool, December breeze was a good start.

Toward the afternoon, it went off tangent. My mom got into an altercation with the neighbor's house help --- something to do with the house help sweeping off the street and dumping the dried leaves and plastics near our gate.

What caught me though was the kitten that was freezing cold, breathing laboredly because that house help, according to my mom, hosed down the neighbor's plant box. Whether she did not know that a kitten was there, I had no idea (but mom said she knew, or my mom said that because she was upset with that house help).

The whole afternoon, after each article I edited, I stepped out and checked on the kitten. Through a plastic straw, I wet its lips with milk. Its noisy meow was an assurance for me that it is still alive --- and fighting. I kept talking to the kitten, blowing it dry, and started calling it "Christmas."

Good thing that it got warmer and eventually, the kitten got itself dry. And it kept purring and meowing every time I try to have it sip milk.

When I left earlier tonight, it was no longer in the plant box --- my mom said the old lady  neighbor is fond of animals --- so I am hopeful that Christmas is now in good hands.

As for that house help, I could not help but gave her a sharp look, she saw me nursing the kitten but she was unmindful or it did occur to her that because of her the kitten was freezing for hours.

Anyhow, I hoped I was able to help that kitten --- as I am scared to hold the kitten so I was nursing it through a straw.

Overall, good start to my December --- with TV bonding earlier with mom as we finished a small tub of Chef Tony's mochaccino popcorn.

Then now, while waiting for an article to edit, I am blogging today's blessing --- to be of help to others, humans and kittens alike.

I hope that kitten, Christmas, is off to a good start, as I attempt to have mine.